u/GirlLunarExplorer

About two months ago I was fired at a fortune 500 company for performing at a senior level despite having a staff title. I have been searching for a full-time position ever since and have not received an offer and I just want to give up. I've applied to 137 positions, response rate currently at 42%, recruiter pass rate at 83% but tech screen rate at 40%.

I interviewed a few weeks ago at a position I really would've loved working for, product was interesting, people were great, it seemed that I did fairly well in the interview, etc. But this morning I received the dreaded 'We went with another candidate' email. To be fair, the recruiter was very nice, and said that I absolutely passed their hiring bar, but there was someone who had more experience in MLE/system design. This is the second of 4 onsites that I have not passed. I am waiting to hear back from the other two but considering one was over a week ago and said they were still interviewing candidates, I am not hopeful. The other was full of red flags during the onsite.

I have two master's degrees. I have 8 years of experience. I was seemingly well liked at my previous companies (several people reached out after and expressed shock/sadness after being let go). I have been studying ML system design, leetcode and ML fundamentals since.

But I have ADHD (medicated) and have never been a great interviewer. I've only had three positions in my career and each time I only had one offer to choose from and jumped ship at the first one I could get. I look at people who get competing offers and wonder how the fuck they do it. My own husband is AuDHD and has a thriving career at a Big4. I look at him and ask what the fuck is wrong with me?

For additional context, this is the second career I've had, having made the switch to tech after failing to pass my certifications in a previous career despite hours of mentoring from multiple people, lots of study and self-reflection, etc. This career was pre-diagnosis but honestly I'm not sure how much that would've helped. Tech was supposed to be my fallback and I feel like my career has been slipping from my fingers right in front of me. Some days I wonder if I should just quit the game and become a SAHM, where I would be deeply unhappy but at least busy. I even stopped applying for interviews because I was so sure something good was coming. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I just feel so fucking stupid all the time wondering what I'm doing wrong, and if people secretly think I'm an idiot or hate me. I have friends who keep checking in on how I'm doing but it's so goddamn embarrasing to say that nothing has come through.

I know the market sucks right now but I didn't think it would be this hard and I just can't anymore.