I’m a 29F and my boyfriend 37M and I officially broke up after a year and a half together, and I’m struggling to process it. When we first got together, he was goofy, affectionate, carefree, fun, and made me feel so loved. We lived together and started to build a life together. But over time, after he found God and became deeply involved in church, it felt like he became a completely different person.
At first I supported it because I was happy he found something meaningful and help him heal from addiction, but eventually it felt like religion became his entire personality. Every conversation revolved around Jesus, the Bible, or church. I respect faith, but I didn’t want our whole relationship to center around religion.
He also made the decision to practice abstinence and move out of our bedroom after “finding God,” which was a unilateral decision even though we had previously had an intimate relationship. After that, there was little to no intimacy, affection, or emotional closeness. I felt rejected, unwanted, and honestly confused.
He told me at one point that he didn’t know what to talk about with me anymore because I didn’t want to talk about God all the time. That crushed me and made me feel like who I am wasn’t enough.
We recently went “on a break,” and during that time he was cold, distant, and seemed completely okay while I was falling apart. Now it’s officially over.
I think what hurts the most is that I feel like I’m grieving two losses:
1. The relationship itself
2. The old version of him—the man I fell in love with
I’m also heartbroken over losing his dog. I took care of her every day, walked her, loved her, and spent more time with her than he did. Losing her feels like another breakup on top of this one.
To make everything harder, I’m in dental hygiene school studying for my national boards on May 21, so I’m under an insane amount of stress and trying to hold it together.
I keep wondering:
• Has anyone else lost a partner because of religion changing them?
• How do you stop grieving the “old” version of someone who doesn’t exist anymore?
• Why does it seem like he’s okay while I’m completely shattered?
• How do I move on when I still love him?
I know deep down we may not have been compatible anymore, but I’m struggling with the loss and feeling like I wasn’t chosen.
Any advice or perspective would really help.