Stuck with manipulative and verbally abusive dad. I genuinely feel trapped.
I’m 16. My dad is 44, and honestly, living with him has made me wish sometimes that I had never been born.
He runs a phone repair/service shop in my town and has done so for around 20 years. He’s known by a lot of people here because he’s good at conversations and reliable at his work. But everyone who has worked closely with him says the same thing: he’s unbearable when angry, arrogant, and impossible to deal with long-term.
For context, he grew up during communist times in my country, had a rough father himself, and has a very “hard man” mentality. I’ve even seen him watching those alpha/sigma TikToks. He believes pressure, humiliation, and fear are what make people stronger.
The problem is that now all of that is directed at me.
When I was younger, he was barely around because of work. My mom mostly raised me. My childhood was basically phones, tablets, and isolation while he worked. I ended up becoming very introverted, glued to screens, physically unhealthy, and honestly lacking discipline.
Around 3 years ago, after I got diagnosed with scoliosis, he suddenly became much more involved in my life, but not in a healthy way. Since then our relationship has gotten worse and worse.
The real breaking point came last year after my uncle (his older brother) quit working at the shop because they constantly fought. My dad had also “taught” my cousins there before, but mostly through constant yelling and intimidation. Even they eventually distanced themselves from him.
Now I’m the one at the shop.
Here’s the thing: he isn’t completely wrong when he says I lack knowledge or initiative. I know I should’ve shown more interest earlier. I know I’m not disciplined enough. But at the same time, when I was younger and went there, I was mostly told to sit quietly with a device so I wouldn’t disturb anyone. Nobody actually taught me properly.
Now that I’m trying to learn, it feels impossible.
If I ask questions, he gets irritated. If I touch something wrong, he explodes. If I stay quiet, he says I’m lazy and uninterested. If I try to help, he watches me like I’m about to ruin everything.
He constantly compares me to other workers, cousins, or himself at my age. He calls me useless, weak, incompetent, says I’ll never survive in the real world and frames his workplace as where life actually happens, and says I only start trying when he yells at me.
He’s also threatened to hit me before and has grabbed me aggressively during arguments.
Recently, I secretly went to one of my cousins to learn more about the profession because I thought maybe learning away from him would help. When I came home, he was there to my complete and utter surprise, as he normally stays at the service much later. I lied and told him I was out with a friend, otherwise I’m completely certain he would have dragged the cousin into the mess had I said the truth. He got furious and started setting curfews and saying that next time I go somewhere I need to give him coordinates or I won’t leave the house anymore.
What messes with my head the most is that part of me understands why he’s stressed. The shop isn’t doing great financially. He genuinely thinks he’s preparing me for the real world. But the way he does it just destroys my confidence instead of building me up.
I feel trapped between:
- Knowing I genuinely need to improve myself.
- Feeling mentally crushed by the way he “teaches” me.
I genuinely don’t know how to deal with this situation anymore, especially because I still live with him and depend on my parents.
I’m posting this because I want honest advice from people who’ve dealt with controlling or verbally aggressive parents, especially if they mixed real concerns with toxic behavior.