I’m in a pretty unique situation I feel. I’ve been in a fantastic relationship for 5 years. We had our hiccups in the beginning, but ultimately we’ve grown and come around wonderfully. We are semi long distance and live around 4 hours away from one another. We’ve met each others family’s and we all get along. Sometimes I still struggle with some relationship trauma from my past, but most of the time I can cope fairly well as I take active steps to better myself.
Recently i’ve fallen into a bit of depression. I lost my job and this was a place where I really thought i’d be for the rest of my life. I had pretty high status at this job and was even in line for a promotion, but one mistake caused me land where I am now. Unemployed.
My insecurities have picked up since then. I’m trying to stay busy and job search without feeling too bad about myself. I felt as though I was getting the hang of my new reality by working out and completing online certifications to further my education. But then I found out something that just kind of sent me spiraling.
Recently I discovered my boyfriend’s younger sister is dating my ex boyfriend. This ex was particularly impactful to me. Dated him in college for two and a half years, lost my virginity to him, and we had a very toxic relationship. I had developed a very unhealthy attachment to him, and during covid he broke up with me…on my birthday.
The guy was an asshole. My younger underdeveloped brain was so silly for staying for so long. I stayed mainly due to physical reasons, and completely took the disrespect. He criticized my body, compared me to other women we walked past, he cheated behind my back and gaslit me (I suspected but didn’t know for sure until years later). He always would say things like he wanted to be young and have his fun but eventually come back to me. He blamed our breakup on how my relationship was with my parents while we dated (they hated him and distanced from me).
All in all- the guy was just downright toxic. He caused a lot of insecurity and distrust for me. Now- he’s dating her. It makes me so uncomfortable. My boyfriend or his parents aren’t on speaking terms with her, but what the hell. I think it’s best to just let her learn her lesson, but I think it’s so weird that this happened. What’s worse to me is that he knew exactly who she was and continued with it. This is really enforcing my disgust towards men like this and the fact that they really don’t give a fuck.
I just don’t want this to come between my boyfriend and I. I don’t like who I was before I met him, and my ex obviously knows a lot about me. I don’t want them to be together for obvious reasons but there’s nothing I can do. I don’t think it’s a good idea to say anything but I’m really just trying to get over the fact that it’s happening. It feels like all my dirty laundry is coming to light and I don’t want any bad blood between my boyfriend’s family and I. I know I don’t have to see them but i’m so worried this is going to develop further. Apparently it’s been months already and her parents have been upset because she’s been sneaky about seeing him. Like part of me wonders if she knew and then like wtf…I feel like that’s so ugly? I don’t want to assume but how the hell am I supposed to go see my boyfriend’s family without feeling some type of way.
I’m just so uncomfortable and anxious, and I fucking hate my ex! Part of me feels like he did it on purpose and he’s making me feel crazy all over again. I wish I had something to distract me from all these feelings but I just don’t know what to do. What would you do?