u/GibbyGoldfisch

For anyone new to this sport, it can sometimes be hard to understand how to discuss tennis, with so many fresh terms to learn and valid historical comparisons to consider. I felt the time had come for someone to create a guide that would help newcomers to engage in high-level, fruitful, and thought-provoking analysis:

The following incident has happened to a player:	…and you like them	…but you don't like them
They won easily	"These easy wins are great, the extra energy makes all the difference in the second week."	"I don't think I've ever seen the tour so weak, my grandad could beat this lot. I smell corruption."
They made hard going of an easy match	"Good to have a test like that early in the tournament, you don't want an easy run."	"Player X got very lucky there, would be surprised if they have enough energy to get out of bed for the next round though. And if they do, it's suspicious."
They were upset by a lower seed	"Hard to beat Donald Young when he redlines like that, what can you do."	"Even if they go on to win 50 grand slams, this defeat is why they can't possibly be called the greatest ever."
They beat a higher seed	"I'm not getting ahead of myself, but it's possible that they'll never lose again."	"They're still overhyped, the only reason this fluke result happened is because Jupiter and Mars were in alignment."
They were cheered loudly	"This loud fan group from their own home country shows how beloved they are all over the globe. Like Jesus but with more universal appeal."	"What a rude fanbase they have, cheering after a win. The cheek! Small wonder nobody outside this specific crowd likes them."
There was limited cheering	"Unbelievably disrespectful not to worship them like a god."	"The cheers were from establishment plants, the media must have filtered out the boos."
They were heckled	"I have always said the crowd here in Paris is just the worst."	"I have always said the crowd here in Paris is just the worst."
They came from behind	"I don't think I've ever seen someone come back from a break down before, legendary result."	"Unbelievably weak mentality, this era, the previous generation would never lose after going ahead."
They saved match points	"The drama of this first round comeback puts it just ahead of the Wimbledon 2008 final, imo."	"This smells like match-fixing, just me?"
They failed to convert match points	"Such a shame he couldn't get over the line from the injury he picked up on the previous point."	"A historic chokejob. I expect he will die of grief shortly and we need never be troubled by him again."
They won a tournament	"I've never seen someone be this dominant at an ATP 250 before, ever. Wow."	"Bit of an easy draw really, it would have been embarrassing if they hadn't completed this calendar slam."
They got cramp	"That's awful luck, but the conditions at this European summer event are horrific, so I can't say I'm surprised."	"Skill issue."
At some point in the match, they limp	"It's too bad he injured himself during the coin toss, he'd been on top in the warm-up. We'll never know what might have been."	"Look at him, faking an injury when down, like that time he bent his leg at a 90-degree angle to save face in a crucial tiebreak. Didn't fool me for a second."
They take a toilet break after losing a set	"This level of incontinence shows impressive maturity."	"So unclutch they can't even clench."
They lost and made an excuse	"I'm glad someone's finally brave enough to call out the event organizers for starting play too early/too late/ too hot/ too damp/ too loudly/ too quietly/ too windy. Nobody should have to play at 2pm like that, it's inhumane."	"Ah, here we go. If anything, diahorrea should make you run faster. Some people will blame anything."
They claimed the world number 1 spot	"I've been watching tennis for three years, and I'm confident nobody in history has ever played so well."	"This says everything about how weak the tour is, frankly. Tennis is dying."
They gave a bog-standard victory speech	"How can you not love this guy, he remembered to thank everyone, even his sponsors."	"This player will be the death of the sport -- the only reason we watch is for charisma, the tennis is incidental."
They said something mildly controversial	"Do we really want everyone on tour to be a robot, anyway?"	"Think the mask just slipped to reveal how disturbed they really are and have been from birth."
They said something VERY controversial	"Nick says it like it is."	"Can we ban Kyrgios from here already?"
They beat a next gen player	"Fuck them kids."	"Well done, he's 18."
They beat an old gen player	"I think the fact they shook hands at the net tells you he recognizes player X as his true heir."	"Player X couldn't beat him until he was 19 and played him for the second time, tells you everything."
They interrupt Kia man	"I used to like them"	"I never liked them"