So, I met this girl when I had moved to a new place with my partner, leaving my family and everyone I knew back home.
Truly the move was a welcome change because my prior relationships were toxic and I’ve never really had any true friendships (that’s a long horrific story of being repeatedly fucked over).
Anyway, I ventured onto an app in search of friendship and came across this girl and we hit it off right away. Initially things seemed great.
Then it kinda wasn’t? I noted upon meeting my partner there was a snarky attitude toward him that I couldn’t understand. Example: she had asked what he studied in school and I told her Agricultural Biotechnology, we were out in our backyard hanging by the pool and he came out to test the pH of the water because we had to manually chlorinate it. To this, she said “oh look here comes the scientist” and rolled her eyes and for the life of me I couldn’t understand where that came from, he was puzzled by the comment, waved and carried on with what he was doing.
This was the first of many occasions where she seemed to have some issue with my partner who honestly is the quiet, introverted, polite, shy type.
As time went on and her relationship fell apart, then she was single and drifting from one terrible casual encounter to the next, her disdain for him seemed to grow. Her negativity regarding the relationship was constant and her advice when it came to any hiccup we had was to “leave him.”
I eventually stopped discussing my relationship with her, I had also come to realize a lot of the arguments that were now surfacing in my relationship were a direct result of the constant terrible advice and overall bad attitude toward my partner that she had and encourage me to engage in.
She eventually got into a relationship with this guy at the time (45M) and he seemed nice at first, but the more we hung out the more he clung to me, during one of our hangouts her propositioned me, knowing I was engaged and this was only his second time meeting me. She was present and in my confusion she clarified “he finds you attractive and wants to fuck you.” I was mortified and called my fiancé to come pick me up immediately. Even while leaving I was further propositioned and all she did was laugh. As time progressed he became more and more sleezy and even quite verbally abusive toward her. One night I had had enough of witnessing it and spoke up and an very loud very aggressive argument ensued between him and I and I had to again call my partner to come and pick me up as HE kicked me out of HER place. She said nothing. She later having realized I was very upset by it all tried to defend HIM saying he was upset because she was “crying” (she was obliterated that night so she had no real recollection of what happened and I informed her that was indeed NOT how things had transpired).
This created a rift that despite my efforts to try and fix by addressing my discomfort and resentment, she was not interested in hearing, because he was/is her partner and I suppose that made his behaviour acceptable on all fronts? I don’t know.
I eventually, out of fear as he had further devolved in a drug using alcoholic mess uninvited her from my wedding as she wouldn’t attend without him and I was very concerned he would get drunk and behave inappropriately around the families of myself and my partner. Afterward we didn’t talk for 6 months before I received a message stating that “I was missed” and there was a desire to reconnect.
I gave it a shot. The rest of the story on her part is a mess. But he’s still in the picture and she still, although a lot less out of “fear” I’ll stop talking to her again (I’m married and 5 months postpartum now with our daughter) finds every occasion to attempt to bad mouth my husband who honestly hasn’t done a single fucking thing to her or to warrant it.
What the hell is that all about? Is this how friendships between women work? Because if this is what I’ve been missing out on by being an introverted homebody who could never really maintain friendships…. I’m beginning to think I was better off not pursuing them.
What should I do? Does this friendship need to end?