u/GhostlyHexx

i’ve known these girls my whole life and they’ve honestly my only irl friends. a week and a half ago my dog who was my best friend passed away. one girl and her girlfriend came over and talked to me a little then said if i ever want to hang out to let them know. now normally when i try to ask to do something i either don’t get a response for months or i get a “we can figure it out” (which never happens). i had reached out to the three of them yesterday after stressing about it for days and asked if they would like to do something this week since i’d like to get out of the house. i would do anything at anytime since im free and honestly desperate for someone to talk to or a distraction. they agreed but we couldn’t decide on a time or day which led to me feeling a little discouraged. i replied by saying “we can figure it out, maybe next week would be better?” to which i got a response from just one person saying “we all need to come together”. great! that made me feel a little better considering i know the three of them do a lot together that im just not included in. well that led to me waking up this morning only to find they all went out together last night and did the exact thing we had planned on doing together. i just feel really embarrassed since i spent days nervous to ask, finally did, got my hopes up, then found out they did it without me the exact same day… i wish they would’ve asked me to come with or just ignored me again rather than getting my hopes up. they have no problem inviting the other without asking when it’s only me and one or two of them. i just feel like giving up on trying after all these years, especially now that this happened AGAIN right after i lost my boy. i just want a true friend who will treat me better and not make me feel like a burden or annoyance to be around. i feel annoying talking about things i enjoy around them but i really don’t have anything else to talk about and if i do it gets overshadowed by a new topic quickly or im cut off. if i say nothing they’ll talk about things i don’t know about or whisper to each other. should i just stop trying to be their friend? i’m tired of being treated this way but i don’t really know anyone else and struggle to talk to people. i just feel stuck in an endless loop. does anyone have any advice?

this has happened to me three times in the week and a half since he’s been gone and i just can’t explain it. i’ll wake up sometime in the early morning, know i’m talking to him, then fall back asleep. it’s such a short thing that i can never remember what i say all i know is i talk, grab his lobster toy and fall back asleep. i can only assume i’m actually awake because i wake up with his things in my arms and a vague memory of checking the time or pausing my music while i talk but that’s it. i can never remember what i said or why i said it. i just know i did. has this happened to anyone else?

i love dogs and i always have but since i lost puppa i can’t stand to look at them. they seem to follow me around though. past two days when ive gone to the store there’s always a dog there for whatever reason. i don’t understand it because honestly they are stores i’ve never seen dogs in before so it was a shock to see, it ultimately led to me either putting on my sunglasses to hide that i was crying or running back to my car. i feel like im being dramatic but i genuinely just can’t look at them without crying. i still love them i just can’t stand them now that my boy is gone. i don’t know if it’s jealousy or just feeling depressed. has anyone else felt this way?

i have extreme anxiety and paranoia to start with but after 5 days of not hearing anything from the vet about cremation plans is freaking me out. i don’t want him sitting in a cold freezer somewhere. i want him with me. but at the same time im paranoid there’s going to be some kind of mix up and ill get back the wrong dog and not know. i’ve always had extreme anxiety and honestly separation anxiety with him and its so much worse now he’s gone. i’m just so afraid of something going wrong and then i never get him back. i know im probably being irrational but i just can’t help it. does anyone have any advice or anything on how to get over this fear ?

i went outside for the first time since puppa passed friday morning. two of my friends came over with a cake for me and we sat in the grass where he fell the day before and listened to me talk and cry for him. it felt nice to be around people who cared that weren’t just my mom and online friend. i decided to take a chance on going farther out and went to the store with them. simple but hard especially walking past the pet aisle. i ended up buying some red carnations for him until we can get his ashes back. i’m sure i seemed a little crazy and off putting in the store considering i was telling him how im buying the flowers for him, but it was nice, really nice. we are planning on having a picnic together in june to celebrate what would’ve been his 15th birthday. i got home and tried to look for him right away. i’m still hurting deeply but im hoping to continue being happier and live for him, to do the things i was still hoping to do with him.