Hi All,
I've gone through the worst of OCD and seen the light at the end of treatment. Obsessing over contamination, blood, hitting people with my car and not knowing...
Its been years since Ive really felt those types of compulsions to check, clean, or wash my hands obsessively. Now as Ive gotten older it feels like OCD has crept back into my life, but not as textbook compulsions. The uncertainty of adulthood and my career seemingly eats away at me more than others. I am mortified of making any mistakes. I work at a place where the margin for error is thin, the work is quick, and little thanks is given (admittedly, the pay is quite good). It makes me 2nd guess everything I do, fear for the worst, and always assume everything is my fault when something is awry. Afterall, I can never be CERTAIN it wasnt me. I obsess at night, unable to enjoy my evening if something is running in the lab. I obsess over whether material I produced for another team is actually up to par. 'What if it isn't? This could set us back months!' and 'If it sets us back months they'll fire me and my family needs my paycheck...'
Suddenly I traded the compulsions worried about spreading diseases for compulsions that I cant explain away and I'm lost. I dont know it wont set us back months, hell, it COULD. There have been layoffs at whatever company Im at 5 out of 5 years, even if I end up surviving the cut. The anxiety and obsessions are seemingly these real threats adults face and Im struggling. Where do I find safety? Peace? Any given moment could lead to a mistake that ruins everything, so I obsess over every action I do at work. Its eating away at me and I could use some advice because its driving me crazy.