u/GetWellSune

I am about to become a junior, double majoring in physics and electrical engineering with hopes to get my phd in material science. Unfortunately, I had multiple extenuating circumstances this semester that resulted in a MASSIVE gpa drop. I previously had a 3.73 gpa, but after a 3.1 this semester I will now have a 3.63. I got an A in Quantum Mechanics, A- in Wave Mechanics Lab, B in Classial Mechanics, B in Electronic Devices, B- in Digital Design, and B- in IC Fab. I have never gotten below a B before, but I am also glad to be passing all 17 credits, especially as I have been told my seniors this was the most difficult class schedule I will have.

At the very end of last semester, I got SA by a faculty member and really got messed up after that for a little while, eventually getting on SSRIs which took a while to get used to. I have always struggled with mental health and had ptsd before that, but it made all that get worse. Furthermore, my younger sister was hospitalized for mental health and I had to do a lot of caregiving for her. I am greatful for all the support I recieved from my friends through this time.

I am doing an reu this summer in material science, will be getting a paper published by the fall in 2d materials, and I got accepted to work with a professor at my home institution who worked at intel for 20 years on exotic semiconductors. So as far as research goes I am confident, I have a good social life and have been enjoying myself, I am just kinda bummed out to see that number yk.

I have cptsd from being abused by my parents as well as having been sa multiple times throughout my life starting in preschool. I am just now coming to terms with my trauma, I have this problem where I think that everything that happened to me is normal even though I am realizing it is not. Everybodies families have issues...

One thing I have always felt this about is my sa. However, starting in middle school I got extreemly vivid dreams of being brutally sa every night. They got better when I started college, and almost dissapeared. Then, last year I got assulted by a person in position of power. But it wasnt a bad assult, like they didnt touch me that bad. However, it messed me up a lot. My dreams of sa returned and I get panic attacks when someone mentions certain words I associate with the event and start crying.

I have been friends with this guy since freshman year, very nice. One time, he mentioned something to no fault of his own that triggered me and I started crying in the dinning hall, so I told him about my assult. Telling him actually made me feel better. But I also felt again like...this wasnt that bad yk. Like I always say, I just didnt like it cause it reminded me of my sa as a kid. Similarily, I was studying with his gf who I am good friends with and something came up that triggered me and so to not cry I told her what happened.

A few nights ago I was hanging out with her again and we had a very deep conversation. At one point she mentioned that she got drunk and cried to her bf about what happened to me. And I was like...damn it was bad enough someone would cry about it. It was validating, like I am not being overdramatic and stupid about it yk.