My wife and I have been together for ten years, married for two.
My wife has a tendency to let small problems pile up into big problems. The dishes in her apartment would grow mold. She has abandoned job and school projects due to procrastination.
About 50 days ago she decided to leave the house to live with a friend. I feel like I am the dishes, now.
Whenever I express the hurt I feel for her leaving, she does the therapy speak ("I validate your feelings and understand you are hurt, I apologize for this hurt") but then explains all the ways that I was difficult to live with. It feels like the point is that if she somehow explains her *intent* enough, I will realize that I have no reason to feel hurt. She refuses to acknowledge that abandonment was not her only option. She refuses to acknowledge that this is a pattern of hers. And it really hurts to be told that I was the problem, when I am willing to acknowledge my faults and work on them to change. But I don't think she is willing to acknowledge her patterns of abandonment.
I don't understand what is going on and it seems like this subreddit has a wealth of knowledge about how to deal with this situation. But when I browse threads, there's a lot of code words and vocabulary I don't understand.
Can someone help me deal with my wife correctly?
I am fully committed to this marriage and willing to reconcile. I am willing to try to rebuild the trust I have lost in her if she is willing to rebuild trust in me. But I feel all that happens is she withdraws further and further when I try to reconcile. It's been 50 days and she dodges any commitment: do we separate or do we try to reconcile? She wants to hold onto each option...
I don't understand what is going on.