SAHM vs Working Dad Misunderstanding? Am I wrong?
I am a stay at home mom of one 3 year old.
My job: is to raise toddler, clean the house; laundry, dishes, floor, dust, bedrooms, bathrooms, tidy up, grocery shop, make the meals, fix stuff that’s broken, feed pets, keep the yard weeded and healthy, etc. in addition to paying one bill.
His job: is to work at his career to support everything, manage investments, and mow the yard during the summer. Also plays well with the child and shares in reading and getting ready for bed.
I feel like I can never catch up. I feel like most homes that have the dad working also share in the house work because a toddler is a lot of work. (potty training is exhausting at the moment). He’s angry I am always behind on something, and that after years the yard isn’t fixed, dishes get behind (my least favorite task), etc. if I clean one thing, something else becomes the eyesore. I’ve asked for help but he says no, I don’t work the same hours he does. (Really!?)
When our child goes to school he wants me to return to work but because I haven’t finished my degree he thinks I don’t qualify for anything other than fast food (not true). I take time to do two fun things- a fan club that also does charity work, and my garden (which is also sadly behind). These things bring me joy, and are my only friends, but Any time i mention my club or he sees me water a plant he gets pissed that I’m doing something “fun” before my “work” is done. Work is never done for a SAHM. The tasks are revolving, never ending. Not like replacing a door; install it, and never return to it. I feel people need a release, a moment to destress. I live in my work. But he thinks I should take time to better my self to qualify for a better job instead. I’m trying to get today done, I don’t care about what job I apply for in 3 years. I care about my tasks today, to be a mom and try to manage the house. Yes I can lose track of time, but I’m doing so much and it seems that it will never matter.
He says he hates to micromanage me and I need to do more or he can’t live this way. (Then help if you hate it so much, raising a toddler is a lot of work that interrupts tasks like crazy). He doesn’t need to micro anything, I feel like I can never win.
Does anyone else feel this way?
Are the tasks balanced?
Does anyone else struggle with trying to get things done and then taking a moment to find your happy place? Or do you work until everything is done and then try to find your peace?
Is there a way to connect the gap between a SAHM and a working dad whose daily lives are very different?
How do you get it all done SAHP?