I feel like I’m in quicksand
I know he’s bad for me. We have 3 kids together. He’s always been bad for me. My kids see the fights and the arguments. Sometimes they get yelled at too. Yelled at for crying. Or for being in the way. I try to shelter them from it but how can I? I’m sure they can hear him scream in Alaska. I’ve tried to reason with him and it just gets worse. When the screaming is over he tries to act like nothing is wrong. Nothing happened. He didn’t just scream and throw things. But the screams stay with me. Long after the argument is over. I hear his profanities. I hear him bad mouthing me to my kids. He acts like I should be ok. I should act like everything is normal because at least our 3 kids all have the same mommy and daddy. But I can’t. I’m angry. And I don’t want to speak to him. He doesn’t get it. I’m hurt, yes. Im wondering just how sick and tired I have to be to actually leave. How much longer can I put up with it. We’ve been together for almost 10 years. 9 years. I truly feel like he hates me or wants to punish me. I pray to have the strength to leave but I honestly don’t see a way to that point. Just venting as the emotional abuse gets a lot to deal with sometimes. I hate talking about it to people I know because I don’t want them to get involved. Even though I’m pretty sure I need a lot of people right now.