TLDR is at the bottom of the post. I originally posted this in r/Yemen, but the mods never approved it.
1: As the title of my post says, I (21M), feel like such an outcast and a loser in the Yemeni community, along with the wider Arab and Muslim Community. Growing up, I felt as if I couldn't relate to my friends or other Yemeni's my age in my city due to my upbringing. I grew up in a dysfunctional household, and I feel like most other people in my community didn't have to deal with what I dealt with.
2: My father is from Ibb, my mom from Taiz. My father left my mother before I was born because his siblings convinced him to leave her for a woman back in Yemen. He tried to get custody of me but lost. I only saw him a handful of times from ages 1 to 4, and I didn't see him again until I was a teenager. I was raised by my mother, her parents, and siblings, who I all love very much. But I have become slightly irritated by them as the years have gone on. In recent years, they have started fighting with each other more often. Everybody acts like they are right and everyone else should listen to them. They cover their faces when they see someone who doesn't like them walking down the street, and they also avoid places that those spiteful people go to, even if they like those places. I mentioned this dysfunctional behavior in a previous post I made.
3: My mother's aunts, uncles, and cousins are no better. I wrote about them in another old post, but to sum it up, they have become untrustworthy and spiteful as the years have gone on. Some of my mom's female cousins have fought with my family since they were kids. They also gossip as well. The more decent cousins stopped visiting us years ago, and they barely call. Only 1 or 2 women call my grandmother, and that's every few months as well. The entire family is unfortunately divided, which always upset me as a child, since they are a large Usra/Tribe, and they should be sticking together, especially since most Yemeni families aren't like this, and my family's ex-friends in our neighborhood stole our last name. There are also relatives
4: My father and his family are no better. I'll talk about him first. My father has a long history of being too trusting of people, making bad decisions, and never learning his lessons. He left my mother for a woman whom he even said, "isn't intelligent." He once bought a new Toyota Land Cruiser in Yemen, but lent it to someone who ended up totaling it. In the late 1990's, he had a store in a nice part of Brooklyn, but his siblings sold it without his consent. Last year, he loaned 200k to one of his nephews (whose dad is one of the siblings who sold his store) to open up his own store. He didn't pay him for a few months, and eventually he and his dad had a big fight, and he finally agreed to give him 10k. Another thing he does is blatantly lie to my face. He says that all of his relatives are good, but he didn't tell me anything about his situation until 4 months had passed. And no matter what happens, he's always naive and hopeful. And he still speaks to his siblings despite them making his life much harder.
5: His family isn't much better. None of them has a college degree, and the men just work in convenience stores. The ones I've met don't seem to care about anything other than working in a smoke shop, getting married, and popping out babies. They always try to push me to open a store, but I refuse as I don't want to make haram money, and I also don't want to live like them. I remember one of them showing me a video of his son smoking hookah, and he's only like 2 or 3 years old. This is normal with some Yemeni's and Arabs, but that doesn't make it right. With all due respect, I despise how ghetto they all are.
6: Now onto the people. In my last post, I spoke about how their ex-friends moved to the neighborhood. And since they changed their last name to one that's similar to ours, they would lie about actually being from our family when they were not. And then, when my family moved to the neighborhood, "the fakes" started lying about where they came from and spread lies against my mother's family, all while still smiling in my family's face. Despite this, they still asked my grandfather to loan them money to help them purchase a building in the neighborhood, which is now worth over $1 million. And what angers me the most is that my grandfather is still respectful towards them, as he ran into one of the older men in the family last year, and even told him what he's been up to, even though he hasn't spoken to him in a long time.
7: Other people in the neighborhood are friends with them as well, such as one family that owns a chain of restaurants. When one of my aunts was still in high school, one of the brothers of that family walked up to her just to taunt her and told her that her last name doesn't belong to her and it belongs to his friend's family. Another friend of theirs also said the same thing to my aunt as well. Thankfully, "the fakes" don't have too many friends in our city, but some of their friends have lots of family members, and some of these people are mutual friends of our friends.
7: As a result of all of our untrustworthy relatives and "the fakes" and their spiteful friends, we didn't go to many events, such as parties and weddings, when I was growing up. And whenever we did go to weddings, sometimes people who disliked us would be there as well. I always felt upset over this. When I was a child and a teenager, I would see everyone my age hanging out with their cousins, driving around in fancy cars they bought with money from their successful businesses, regardless of whether or not their money was haram. Some of my friends would even travel to Yemen, and also across the United States. While I'm just this white-washed kid whose family is divided and dysfunctional on both sides, whose family doesn't have lots of money like some of the Yemeni business owners in NYC, and who doesn't even understand his religion properly or even speak his own language.
8: I'm just trying to make sense of my life. I don't know what else to say. I just don't feel like I fit in with my community. Everyone else has their united families, cars, businesses, friends, etc. I don't feel like I fit in with my family either. My younger cousin's parents aren't divorced, while I'm the 22-year-old college dropout with divorced parents. I feel so insecure. The NYC Muslim and Arab communities have always been inviting, which I love. Alhamdulillah, I have also met countless wonderful people in the NYC Yemeni community.
9: But I just still feel like a part of me is missing, and even though I still have a good life, I still yearn for what I didn't experience growing up, and what others around me have. I hate that I keep obsessing over this dunya, but I don't know how to stop. Have any of you, Yemeni or non-Yemeni, dealt with horrible relatives or ex-friends as I did? How did you overcome it? Please keep me in your duas, Aslamualaikum.
TLDR. I feel like an outcast in the Yemeni community as I had a different experience from other Yemeni's. My parents divorced before I was even born. I love my mother's family, but they are dysfunctional, and have horrible and untrustworthy relatives, and some old friends have turned on them. My father and his family are no better. His family is very ghetto and backwards, don't prioritize education, just want to have kids and rot away inside smoke shops, and I never want to live like that. My dad has made many bad decisions and never seems to learn his lesson. His siblings have ruined his marriage and his business, but he still speaks to them.
Some people in the Yemeni-NYC community are toxic and envious, such as the people who lied about my having my family's last name and their friends, who have spread lies against my family and always give us nasty looks. I'm trying to make sense of my life. Even though I have met wonderful people in the Muslim and Yemeni communities, I am still resentful towards those who have hurt my family. I still yearn for the experiences I never had as a child/teenager, like going to Yemen, having a united family, having a successful business and fancy cars, going to parties, etc. Instead, I am just a college dropout who doesn't understand his religion properly and can't even speak Arabic. Have any of you dealt with similar situations, and if so, how did you handle it? Please let me know. Please keep me in your duas, Aslamualaikum.