Ive never had a “professional” tattoo before, just stick and pokes. I want a calligraphy tattoo and saw this on someone’s page, so I was just wondering whether calligraphy tattoos always look like this when fresh, or if this is just a bad artist to choose.
I have bipolar 2 and become very paranoid, anxious, have delusions, extremely depressed, and do stupid shit when im hypomanic.
And what do i do to relieve those feelings? Drink. Like a lot. Like half of a handle in one night (Im 5’2 and 105lbs so it hits me like a truck)
Last night i was drinking all day with my friends, ended up in a random place unable to speak clearly, or even stand up. I still mostly remember everything clearly like nothing happened but the hangxiety and general regret has been eating me alive all day. And of course i feel like absolute shit lol.
At least once a week i stop taking my meds for days to go get blackout drunk. Once i have alcohol in my system i cant and wont stop until im vomiting. (but even then ill still keep drinking). I know alcohol makes me worse in general but i cant stop i dont know what to do. My father had bipolar 1, was an alcoholic, and died in my arms due to being too drunk and hitting his head. I always promised myself I wouldn’t drink because of that, and look at me now. I don’t even feel like a real person anymore.
My mind is already a mess all of the time anyways, but for some reason i make it 10x worse by drinking. It causes drama, regret, embarrassment, guilt, and lots of puking. Yet i still do it. Im about to graduate high-school and go to college in the fall but my mental issues/addictions are causing my grades to decline (once again) and im losing all motivation. I cant bring myself to even get out of bed unless its for work or to go get drunk.
I don’t know what steps to take from here. Im already in therapy but clearly it’s not enough. I don’t know whether to go to a mental hospital, start attending AA meetings, maybe go to a partial
hospitalization program? Im not even 18 yet. Im so stuck and alone and it’s so hard to not just give up on everything.