Assalamu alaikum brothers and sisters i hope everyone is doing well i am 28 years old and my husband is 39 we got engaged when I was 25 through an arranged marriage and got married in december 2024.
In the early days of our marriage I had a lot of doubts To be honest it was the age gap and the nature of arranged marriages that scared me I had heard too many stories of husbands who seemed kind and loving at first but later turned out to be abusive so I wanted to take my time getting to know who he really was.
and he truly is one of the kindest people I have ever met. He is very outgoing and family oriented even though he has only been here for two years he already built a whole circle of friends he is also a devout Muslim who prays five times a day gives zakat and helps those in need he is genuinely well respected in our community too.
when we got married he already had a stable job and his own place but I still kept waiting for things to change for him to show a different side I was wrong and because of my own fear and mistrust and stupidity I withheld one of the most basic rights of any partner intimacy from him every time he initiated I would either say I was not ready or just push him away or pull away through all of that he never got angry never acted out and never gave me the silent treatment.
this past ramadan was actually beautiful between us we prayed together went to tarawih together he helped me cook and we genuinely enjoyed Eid too but almost immediately after eid ended something in him just switched off he just changed he stopped going out with his friends stopped the little things he always did around the house stopped the playful side of him that I had grown to love Now he mostly sleeps, eats, and plays video games he has even stopped working though we are financially okay alhamdulillah because his family business back home which he was managing but now stopped that too.
I have tried everything I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing I started initiating intimacy i made an effort with my appearance and beatified myself for him but he either ignored me or gave a one word answer and goes back to his game .
a few days earlier i overheard him on a call speaking with what I believe is a lawyer about separation and his immigration status tho he never said the word divorce directly but everything about that conversation pointed to it
i cannot bring this up with his family especially my mother in law because I know she would be furious my own parents would be the same the only person I spoke to was my older sister and she just sighed and all she just said that he is either checking out of this marriage or has already checked out
i know this is my fault and I carry a lot of shame over it but I love him now truly and the thought of losing him breaks me any advice even something small would mean so much to me