Hi guys, I’ve had a similar post on this in the past but the situation is now being presented again and I just am looking for advice. I’m well aware that this may just be a ME thing and I’m open to hearing about it but I’m really struggling understanding how that’s the case and would also appreciate advice on moving past these kind of issues….
I 27F am now 35 weeks pregnant with my SO 29M son. I am a first time mom technically. I’ve been involved in SS6 life since SS was a year and a half old at that time 29BM and SO were already divorced and I didnt meet SO until after the divorce. ( I think it’s important to note that I didn’t disrupt their relationship whatsoever)
Anywho, since BM found out I’m pregnant she’s completely flipped the switch a few times and started being overly nice to SO and the opposite also. She has mentioned my son multiple times in negative connotations, she’s SEEMINGLY added a bunch of doubts to SS’ mind about what he can expect ( now SS is worried that we don’t have space for him in our lives etc which was never a concern until BM found out which was 8 weeks after SS) she has also gone as far to say that we (SO and I) try to replace her as BM
I try to be as involved as I can be while trying to remain respectful because it’s obvious that she does not want my involvement unless it benefits her and I am tired of the problems so ive been keeping a larger distance than I used to.
The last time she and I spoke directly she said she didn’t want my involvement and I agreed. That was in November, now in April almost May, she’s been needing more support and asks SO to ask me directly to help out and whatnot to which I mostly decline but told her directly that until we have another conversation and discuss boundaries for one another I’m not a support system for her and my schedule should not be taken into consideration during her parenting time otherwise.
She now wants to meet up with SO in person tomorrow to “discuss SS schooling” and she specifically doesn’t want me involved in the discussion since I’m “just a girlfriend and this moreso for parents” I’m upset because it’ll ofc affect my routine and home life balance but also just because I feel it’s as though she’s consistently wanting to cause a division with SO and I. He says that I can still go ofc but I feel like if I go it’ll appear as if I’m just insecure or something. SO thinks BM is just threatened by me but I don’t feel like it’s even appropriate at this point. I also have an OB appt tomorrow and I just don’t feel comfortable with any of this.
I also want to add I don’t want to be present per say I just feel like this is unnecessary for an in person meeting and if I don’t go then she wins or she’ll be left feeling like she’s right or like she’s more important than I ? Idk
***EDIT **** I forgot to mention that SO and I are planning on getting married not this week Wednesday but the following , which BM is also aware of*****
**update 1** hi guys so after speaking about it with my SO he ended up deciding to go and I didn’t go. He also didn’t tell me he was going to go or anything so I’m just not feeling so great about everything and I’m just going to talk with my therapist tomorrow and go from there.