u/Future-Ad8369 — reddlx

I’m stuck in a mental loop and I don’t know how to get out of it.

My wife and I separated a couple of months ago. The way it happened was abrupt — things escalated quickly, she withdrew, and eventually went the legal route instead of communicating. Since then, it’s been complete silence from her side.

I’ve moved back to India now, got a job, and I’m trying to stabilize my life. On paper, I’m doing the “right things.” But mentally, I’m stuck.

I keep trying to decode what happened:
- Was it something I did?
- Did someone influence her against me?
- Was it the age gap (I’m 8 years older)?
- Did she misunderstand me?
- Was there someone else?

I replay everything again and again trying to find the reason that makes this make sense.

Part of me feels like if I can just understand it properly, I’ll get closure.
But another part of me knows I’m probably just hurting myself at this point.

What’s making it harder is:
- No response from her at all
- No clarity, no conversation, nothing
- Just her actions, which clearly show distance

I’m also struggling with the thought that maybe someone convinced her I’m a bad person, and she just ran with that without really hearing me out.

At the same time, I’m starting to feel like:
> Even if I figure it out… it won’t change anything.

So I’m torn between:
- Letting go of trying to understand
- And this urge to keep analyzing until it “clicks”

For people who’ve been through something similar:

Did you ever get real closure?
Did understanding the “why” actually help, or did you just have to stop trying to figure it out?
How do you break out of this constant overthinking loop?

I don’t want to stay stuck like this, but I don’t know how to switch my mind off from it.

Any advice would genuinely help.