I knew this girl back in highschool just barely as friends we didnt talk much until second year of university. I accidentally called her on instagram in october of last year but we kept talking afterwards and eventually it built into me developing a crush on her. for her context she just came out of a long relationship 3 months ago before we started talking and in her head she knew she didnt want a relationship so she didnt want it going far, but it still ended up doing so.
However, I ended up really really liking her and it turns out i was everything she wanted in a guy and she saw the potential for me. So we did end up trying romantically but never to the point of official boyfriend and girlfriend. It was working great for me but for her, while she did really like me. the trauma of her last breakup was still really really affecting her. and she was always paranoid about the smallest things setting us apart and it was causing her a lot of anxiety.
this january her anxiety started getting worse as we grew closer and she was really considering leaving. however at this point i was still really attached, i really really liked her and started thinking she might be the one because we genuinely had so much chemistry together. when she really considered leaving in january we had a long long talk and i told her that you know that im everything that you want and you know that youre getting better. if we keep trying then eventually youre going to get better and this could all be over. she agreed with me but i had to pull back a little bit and not be as close to her which i had no problem doing becuase i liked her so much and i would do anything to be with her.
Febuary, march and april went okay and she very very slowly started getting better but not really better but it was stable enough for her.
Until yesterday morning she called me and told me now that school is done and I know there isnt any stress coming from school. Im sure that the stress thats hitting me now is from our relationship. She really liked me but the stress of being heartbroken still was bothering her and she didnt know how to deal with it. i siad its probably best for us to go on another break but then later on i said it might be better to break up becuse this could just be a cycle of things getting worse and her not having enough time to properly heal.
Im writing this the night after we broke up. And its devastated me. She was my everything. I loved her so much and now im not sure if i made the right choice. I know objectively it is, that she needed time to heal but it hurts so bad because we had so much chemistry and genuinely great moments when we were together and its just so hard to let go.
What also makes it hard to let go is while i was breaking up with her i was hinting at the fact that maybe once shes healed we can try again. and thats whats been bothering me too and its one of the reasons its so hard to let go, because i know deep down there still might be a chance, and ive been planning my year to try and reunite with her later.
I know thats wrong and ive been told that too by the people closest to me because i need to let go and i shouldnt keep myself waiting for her but i dont know what to do. i know its fully better for me to completely let go but the thing preventing me from doing it is the fact that i still see a chance deep down.