u/Funny-Transition4184

I'm in a major book slump for almost 6 months now and I DNF EVERY book I've bought in different genres (romance books, RHs, mystery/thrillers, sci-fi... etc.) The only book I managed to finish (and adored it) is a MF romance book called {Unapologetic Love Story by Elle McNicoll}. The FMC in that story is autistic and it's an own voice rep that's so well written.

I saw the other post discussing autistic FMC but haven't found anything that corresponds to what I'm searching for... (I also just realised earlier with the art work post that Highland Hideaway (Lily Gold) has an ADHD FMC so I might check that one out later (I read Faking With Benefits earlier this year and ALMOST finished it... I think I quite like it but I wasn't motivated enough to actually finish it...)

I don't know why this book slump is so difficult to manage.

ANYWAYS!

I think it's probably because I have TOO niche preferences in books.

I like:

- Contemporary only!

- Autistic/AuDHD FMC (and always prefer own voice works...)

- It doesn't matter the FMC's personality as long as the neurodivergence rep is authentic, BUT I do prefer FMC that seems to be a softie, people pleaser, shy, sweet, "innocent"... etc. (might have been isolated, bullied... etc.) then actually has a strong and *sort of* controlling side - which leads to the "soft domme" title. I know femdom isn't something much seen in romance books and RH :( especially this kind of FMC (most femdom books I found or saw recommended have very take-charge and outwardly "strong" FMCs). I also don't like heavy femdom, just gentle dommes are great... The only example I could think of that isn't even marketed as GFD is another MF romance book with own voice autism rep {If Only You by Chloe Liese}, I think the FMC in this one is the kind of FMC I'm looking for...? I just don't want the FMC to always be the one being dommed... (I feel as if in most romance books/RH, the defaut relationship and intimate passages are male-dom oriented...)

- paired with (at least) a NT (neurotypical) MMC who is older, with a gentle, kind-hearted, patient personality.

- ↑ I LOVE age gap!!! (often older MMC younger FMC, but if other MMCs are younger than the FMC, I'm fine with it too!)

- as for the other MMCs I don't have a specific preferences per se, but if they have colder personality, are grumpy, are also ND (neurodivergent)... I wouldn't mind either.

- I would like a super kind, patient, older MMC vs a cold, distant, grumpy (at first) MMC as contrast. I am even searching for maybe a villan or anti-hero MMC2 at this point...

(- I'm recently into "the cold/distant villan/anti-hero giving in his vulnerability towards the FMC" type of story.)

- could have less spice and more plot/personal growth and love growth between the characters!

(P.S.: I don't mind MM if it doesn't become the central storyline!)

I'm not at all into omegaverse, paranormal, fantasy, historical... etc. so it makes things even harder (for me to find a book I want to read).

Hopefully one day someone would write a story with these elements!!!

--

Edited to add the link to the mentioned posts and a few details!

Context: I'm a 29 F (sex repulsed asexual/demisexual?) married to a 31 M (allo)

My husband and I have been together for 10+ years now and when I was young and exploring I was very curious about sex and all, but when we were together for about 4-5 years, I suddenly couldn't kiss him or have intimacy with him, that's when I discovered asxuality and realised that I might actually be ace (or demisexual)... and I'm actually very sex-repulsed (e.g. I can't look at on screen sexual scenes in films or series, especially with sound on, I skip all the smut in romance books I read and find them annoying).

Quite recently though, I realised that I (sort of) enjoy looking at fan art or fan fic with suggestive or even explicit contents (e.g. the famous otome game Love & Deepspace)... I mean I know there's fictosexuality, but I never considered myself to be fictosexual before. I also don't imagine myself doing "it" with those characters... I just love seeing how the artists draw their muscles or suggestive expression or whatever...

But sometimes, and only ever before my periods, I get a sudden urge to want to touch myself... and I absolutely HATE that feeling. And I find it weird that I need to have visual input (real people po*n... and this makes me feel even more disgusted) to feel something... which is insane for me because aside from this hormonal episode before my periods, I would never have the desire to look at that kind of stuff... :((((

I mean I've also read many posts on this subreddit and I KNOW that some people still watch po*n and also feel the same way as I do (disgusted) and also, just like them, I only watch for sensory input and I absolutely don't want to be doing "it" with the actors in the video or anything (I am detached and I don't fantasise having sex if that makes sense)...

I just... my husband is allo and I know he has always been respectful towards my sexuality... sometimes I feel like a traitor for watching po*n and for enjoying suggestive/explicit fan arts...