My fiancee wants to transition but I don't know if I can be with them.
My fiancee wants to transition mtf. We've been together for 4 years and they said they felt this way at year 3 but didn't want to tell me because they were afraid of losing me. I know it's not their fault but I can't help but feel lost. We fell in love at first sight and I wanted to be everything for them. They didn't tell me about feeling androgynous until the end of year 1 and it took me some time to figure out if I wanted to be with them and I felt like I loved them more then that so maybe I could get over it. It took 5 months but I eventually got used to it. Then when we had our first bad fight they got onto grinder to get back at me. They say they didn't do anything but after all this I don't know if I believe that.
I didn't find out they took estrogen (years before we go together) until the end of year 3 but I didn't think anything of it cause they were going through a rough time at that point and I believed them when they said they stopped and didn't like it. Now I found out they has been thinking of transitioning since I left for my job in another state while they're working in another state as we were trying to move and they told me they felt relieved when I left so they could find themself.
I feel like it's not fair I didn't know this was going on. I feel horrible that we didn't work this out together that they were alone. I feel lied to which is selfish and I know that but I had every intention to love them unconditionally till I died and now I don't know if I can. What's even worse is I would always say not to change themself for me cause then they would resent me but I guess I should've taken my own advice cause now I resent them.
But gosh it hurts the fact that I guess they could never be themself around me. I don't want to let them go. We talked about growing old and dying together. My entire life is shaped around them there is nothing that I own that is just mine it's ours. I don't want to let my happiness go and I truly feel like my world is burning right now. I don't want them to be with anyone else I want them to be with me. But I don't know if I could love them like I used to if they changed and I'm tired of changing myself hoping it'll be enough. They have been going to therapy for a while and felt this way for about a year so the fact that I am finding this all out now hits me with about every emotion available.
Im scared I don't know what to do I love them I don't want it to end. This feels out of the blue and I'm scared there's other stuff they're hiding. But we've had such a fairytale love story I don't want anyone else I want my lover.