u/Fun_Shame787

TLDR: Sex and masturbation don't feel good to me unless I'm high due to gender dysphoria, but I have a high libido.

I am a transgender man, someone born with a vagina but whose brain tells them they should have a penis. My entire life, from an early age, I have felt completely disconnected from my genitals, but I am horny so much I need to masturbate everyday.

Sex does not feel good unless I'm high, and this has been the case my entire life since from when I started having sex. I already had bottom surgery, I am getting a revision which will put my clitoris in my new dick so I can feel more connected to my new dick and cum in a way that makes me feel like a man, but for now, to not use drugs means that having sexual satisfaction is impossible for me.

Having my natal genitals touched feels good physically, but it feels like someone else's body parts and not my own, it feels disturbing to me when I'm sober to have my genitals touched at all. When I'm not being touched during sex while sober, like when I give head, I'll get extremely turned on, but the moment my genitals are touched I get turned off completely, and feeling my natal genitals become aroused feels uncomfortable to me. Therefore, even though topping with my mouth and hands is an option while sober, I just don't have an interest in it often because I know I'll get uncomfortable. I'll get blueballed, what's the point? Its not fun for me to be physically turned on in a way I don't relate to and unable to do anything about it.

When I started having sex I was using alcohol to cope, now my DOC is stimulants. I have tried psychiatric drugs of all kinds, years of therapy, TMS, and ketamine. Nothing I do helps this, and this is my primary motivation to use drugs.

Whenever I try to be sober, the sexual frustration I experience will lead me to do drugs again so I can feel comfortable in my own body for just a few hours and be sexually satsified for once. Sober masturbation is possible because it takes 5 minutes and I'm dissociating the entire time, as opposed to being present with another person, even then it doesn't really feel that good and doesn't really satsify me, but sober sex has never been possible for me. Also, right after I cum when sober, I always feel a wave of dysphoria, frustration, sadness.

Right now, I can feel my new dick but it's not sensitive enough for me to cum just from stimulating it, I need to touch my clit to cum right now, which doesn't really feel very good when sober as I explained. Otherwise, it has been impossible for me to quit doing drugs, I try and fail over and over. Not having sex is not an option for me, my libido is too high and sober masturbation doesn't satsify me sexually as I said. I feel like no rehab can help me, because I'd just come out and start using again immediately so I can finally nut after being completely unable to do anything about my libido while in rehab.

This is not just about being a chemsex addict, this is about using drugs to cope with dysphoria, taking away the drugs will not magically make sex bearable for me, I have always been this dysphoric from a young age. Quitting drugs will not magically make me invent a coping mechanism which makes sex bearable, or will make me okay with having no sex in my life, I need sexual release at some point or it just builds up until I'm unable to ignore it any longer. It will become legitimately distracting, like I can't focus on other things at all when I'm pent up and turned on.

I knew I wanted a sex change since I found out about them when I was 13, and I always felt like I was missing a penis from as young as I can remember around age 3. And no, I wasn't raped as a kid or anything like that before anyone asks, so it's not that. When I'm high, I have all kinds of sex, I'll be versatile, I'll have great orgasms and feel satisfied after. This has never been the case for me without drugs.

This is a shot in the dark, I want to hear from other people who may relate, transgender or not. As it stands, I've given up on trying to be sober until I can actually cum with my dick, theres no point in trying anymore, I keep failing for the reasons I explained, and I give up on actually having a relationship with anyone- I just end up in a relationship with someone who enables my drug use so we can sex or we'd be having no sex at all. I just have FWBs and I cope, I use stimulants twice or three times a week to have sex or masturbate.

I feel very alone, depressed in general and tired. I know some people use chemsex to feel okay having gay sex or exploring kinks due to shame, but thats not why I do it. I find this level of dysphoria is not common even among otner transgender people, I think most transgender people have bottom dysphoria but their dysphoria is not usually as intense as mine and they can still enjoy sober sex.

Having this level of sexual dysfunction drains the color out of my life, as you can imagine. If you gave me a billion dollars today and a supermodel girlfriend, it wouldn't really make me that happy or fulfill me as long as my dick doesn't work, unless I can use the money to fix my dick. Hobbies, art, none of those things really fulfill me so long as I can't have an embodied sexuality. I often avoid people who want to have sex with me, even if I'm really attracted to them, unless I'm sure they're cool with me doing drugs during sex or they understand explicitly that I'm a trans person with intense bottom dysphoria. I feel like an odd man out in the hyper-sexual queer community, I'm surrounded by sex and events centered around sex but it's not really something I want to do unless I'm high.

I pray my surgical revison will bring me the peace I've been denied, and I can actually stop using stimulants so much. For now, it feels impossible.

Thank you.

I’m a 29-year-old trans man in NYC. I’ve had over six gender-affirming surgeries, including abdominal phallo with an implant. I have a revision scheduled in August to fix the implant length.

I didn’t get burial, UL, or vaginectomy, though I might in the future. Honestly, I’m exhausted from surgeries. I can feel my dick, but it’s nowhere near as sensitive as my clit. I’ve only been able to cum once from stimulating my new penis alone, and that has left me feeling frustrated, depressed, and hopeless.

I get horny, I jack off, usually with a vibrator or dildo, and then immediately after I cum I feel incredibly depressed. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and it feels like nothing in my life can make me happy unless I can actually feel like a man during sex. Money, romance, art, hobbies — all of it just feels like distraction.

I’ve fallen into cycles of using drugs. Stimulants like coke, molly, and meth are my main drugs of choice. I get high, I get horny, and for a few hours it feels incredible, especially vaginal sex. But afterward I feel awful. I find it almost impossible to quit because when I’m sober, sex feels really hard. I can’t physically satisfy myself in a way that feels fulfilling, but I still have a high libido and need to masturbate daily, which usually ends in dysphoria the second the orgasm is over.

When someone is sexually interested in me, it fills me with anxiety. Being a stone top sometimes helps, but the frustration is still there. Because of my short implant, topping with my dick is sometimes difficult or impossible if my partner is tight, and the fear of mechanical issues makes me avoid using it even though it’s affirming. The revision may help with that, but it won’t fix how hard it is to cum from my dick.

I don’t feel like anything can really fix me besides being able to feel enough erotic pleasure in my dick to cum easily. When I try to stop using drugs, the sexual frustration builds until I eventually get high just to feel some release and feel okay in my body for a few hours. Over time, I’ve started wanting partners less and just wanting to do lines and jack off for hours because then nobody expects anything from me sexually.

I’ve tried so many psychiatric treatments: medications, TMS, ketamine, all of it. Nothing gives me real relief. When I’m sober, my baseline mood is depressed and anxious.

I often wish something would happen to me randomly, though I’m too anxious about my family disrespecting my body after death to actually kill myself. I hate being trans. Looking like a man and being seen as a man doesn’t fix the sexual dysfunction. I’ve basically given up on finding a partner.

Right now, I keep using because it gives me a few hours of relief, even if I feel terrible most days. I don’t think I can reduce my stimulant use until I feel more comfortable in my body. If I went to rehab, I feel like I’d start using again the moment I got out. If I were forced to be sober, I’d still be horny constantly but unable to satisfy myself without spiraling into dysphoria. Avoiding sex and masturbation also doesn’t feel possible because of my libido.

I don’t know many trans people who struggle with this level of dysphoria, so I feel extremely alienated. Even in T4T spaces, there’s often an assumption that I’m okay with using my natal anatomy because it feels physically good, but emotionally it doesn’t feel like part of me.

I just feel alone. My life feels like a joke. I get brief moments of relief, but the deeper inability to feel sexually satisfied makes everything feel pointless and unfulfilling. It makes me uninterested in romance, uninterested in dating, and uninterested in being around people who are attracted to me.