1 week no contact
my ex and i broke up about two weeks ago and have been no contact for one week today. we broke up because he had been talking to someone who has previously been a major issue in our relationship, behind my back for several weeks while i had no idea because he agreed to go no contact with her. i finally decided, this is where my line is. we had the same conversation enough times for me to realize he just did what he wanted and he did not give a single fuck about how i’d feel about it. he only cared about himself and he lied to me for multiple weeks. i feel absolutely heart broken. our relationship was relatively good besides the way he acted with this girl, we had a good amount of issues that i thought we were trying to work on together. i was patient through everything because it seemed like he really wanted to grow and do better. i loved him so much and he was so cruel during the break up. he burnt my dead dogs bandana during the actual break up, it was so horrible and he was so horrible while i was just in disbelief like he was a completely different person. a lot of why i liked him in the first place was how excellent of a communicator he was, how kind and considerate he was, and how in touch he was with his own feelings. and then over and over he showed me that’s not who he is but i remained kind and accepting and tolerant because i understood him so deeply at the expense of myself. i completely abandoned myself. luckily the relationship was only six months long, and i realized this early ish on though i knew i needed to end it sooner than i actually did. but he became my best friend and i genuinely did love him and understand him. it’s that fucking potential that keeps getting me. i need to learn to accept people for where they are at while not abandoning my own position. i need someone who is emotionally already on my level, not someone who needs me to guide them through life. my ex and i left things on relatively better terms than our initial break up and i KNOW with every bone in my body he will reach out to me at some point. it could be tomorrow or next month or three years from now, but i know he will because that’s who he is and he’ll either want to reconnect or apologize to me. and right now, after one week of no contact i miss him terribly and all i want is to hug him for a very long time and tell him i love him. i feel pathetic for it. i feel weak right now. but i hope by the time our paths cross again, i am so appalled by the disrespect in how he treated me and what i tolerated that i couldn’t fathom how i ever even dated someone who treated me poorly at all. that the betrayal speaks louder than the grace i gave him