Discretion / Warning: This post talks about intense anxiety, obsessive thoughts, and fear related to sleep. If you are very sensitive to these topics or tend to absorb other people’s obsessions easily, please read with caution.
Hello. I wanted to share something I’ve been going through because honestly I feel mentally exhausted and I’m wondering if anyone has experienced something similar.
My main issue is related to sleep and obsessive thoughts. My mind creates very specific associations, especially with letters, words, and objects that are upside down or inverted, and I feel a huge need to “fix” them before trying to sleep.
For example, I might see a sign in my house upside down and feel like I have to fix it before bed. Or I’ll see a box with the letters upside down and feel an intense urge to turn it around. If I don’t, my brain starts acting like I won’t be able to sleep.
The hardest part is that it’s not only mental anxiety. Emotionally, I feel as if those letters, words, or objects are “suffering” or in a stressful position because they are inverted. Rationally I know it sounds absurd, but the emotional feeling it creates in me feels extremely real and distressing.
When I try to lie down without “fixing” it, I experience intense anxiety, chills, muscle tension, and a real sense of danger, almost like my brain is telling me I won’t be able to sleep until I solve the thought.
The worst part is that the fear is directly connected to sleep, so my mind makes me feel that if I don’t do the compulsion, I’ll go nights without sleeping and eventually end up physically destroyed. Sometimes I feel like my case is different or worse because the fear feels immediate and vital. Resisting compulsions feels terrifying because the sensations feel so real.
I wanted to ask if anyone here has experienced something similar.