The person I was about to marry was never diagnosed, but every single symptom was there. EVERY SINGLE ONE.
We were together for over a year and honestly everything was great. The highs were so high and I had her and her kids move in with me to my home and then after a few months, the verbal abuse started. She would have intense bouts of anger to wear she would break up with me and then come running back lovingly. The constantly telling me I wasn’t enough for her constantly telling me that I wasn’t man enough or I was a coward or I was insecure or emotionally immature, and that she didn’t want to raise another child because that’s what I was.
She would rake me over the coals and no matter what happened. It was my fault. She would tell me, she said those things to me because I made her angry, and abandoned, and that was her justification, and then the very next day or a few days later be so overwhelming loving that it would pull me back in.
For the better part of the year, I battled mood swings that I did not know we’re coming. Id have to go sleep in another room or she’d lock herself in another room and expect me to chase her. But if I said, I’d give her space then it was I’m a coward and I’m not trying for her and she would go find someone else who would. I legitimately had to be perfect and could not have a down day of my own.
The amount of times she would tell me that she feels so empty and not deserving of things and I would stop everything I was doing to pick her up. She would use my job against me where if I was in a meeting and she needed me she would tell me that everything is more important than her “even this damn meeting” and she would manipulate the hell out of the situation.
I’ve talked to many people some extremely close to her who have all said that they do not agree with what the hell it just happened because they couldn’t have asked for a better person in her life. Now I’m not saying that to toot my own horn and I definitely have faults of my own, but I tried everything to show that woman that I was there for her wherever she needed. The amount of patience, time, kindness and energy it took to manage The intense mood swings just started to wear at me to finally I just broke down to where I had nothing left. At one point I didn’t even talk to my own family because she was mad at them and I regret that. I’ve had to rebuild relationships with people that I cut out of my life.
Towards the end, I just never knew what I was walking into coming home from work. And then all the lies started and then when I would catch her in a lie, she would get very defensive and start to come at me that she was lying to protect herself from me because I was abusing her or she would spin it so that the lie wasn’t a lie at all and I’ll just believe anything I hear . The sad part is, is I still love that woman to this day and I’m honestly worried about her.