so my mom has been diagnosed with npd. I’m still learning what that means for me and what that /has meant/ for me when I din’t understand it.
I’ve noticed that she cares a LOT about things that have very little impact on her. I’m biologically female but like to look gender-neutral and masculine at times. i do things like not shave my legs all the time or style my hair the way I want to.
no biggie. but she always has something to fucking say. “go change into something more appropriate” when I’m literally just wearing a sleeveless top. “please shave your legs, I don’t want you to get bullied” when I am perfectly okay with my own body hair and do not gaf about what anyone else thinks of it. “go shower, go brush your teeth, go fix your hair” when I’d done all those things just that morning. she needs me to be 100% presentable all the time and insults me completely unprovoked.
idk if that’s narcissism or not tbh, but it’s something that’s always been a constant. she makes me feel worse about my body when she knows I had awful dysmorphia from a young age. i think she’s the reason i thought i was ugly until i got more control over my own appearance. it feels like she’s using me as an outlet for her own appearance as a mother or something. this was way longer than i meant to make it lol. sorry for the rambling.