So I live with my older sister (23f), its just us two in a small one person apartment. Not the best circumstances, but its better than nothing. We're having our friend, Timmy (21m) move in soon. He's also trans (this is relevant). I met him back in middle school, and we recently reconnected. So hes a good friend that we trust, but Im worried about my dad.
My dad is an Uptight, paranoid person. The kind of person who thinks hes always right and doesn't like people keeping "secrets". He doesn't know about Timmy, nor that he is going to be moving in. He lives a state over, so it shouldn't be an issue, but lately hes been coming over to say hi for a few minutes. Which means when Tim is moved in, that will be a problem.
I know the response will probably be fuck what my dad thinks, but its not that easy. He gets angry easily, and I cant just say I dont want him to come over. He'll ask a million questions, will push, and just walk all over us. I know I need a spine, honestly I've thought about cutting him off, but I cant yet. My little sister (who is also questioning her identity rn) is still in middle school. If we cut him off, we wont be able to see her. Also I guess im still too weak.
If you havent guessed yet, my dad is very transphobic. A part of me wants to just not care, to say yeah, this is my friend, hes living with us, hes trans, deal with it. But I really dont want to hear him whine and moan, or to push for us to move closer or into a trailer. Like yeah, I understand three people in a one person apartment is not ideal, but the landlord is okay with it, and were saving up for a house together. Its temporary, but I know my dad wont care about that.
It also feels like hes trying to push us closer to him, and my sister and I want to move to a whole new state, not the one were in now or the one my dad is in.
Any advice? I know the answer will likely be to stand up for myself, but hes an angry, temper tantrum screamer so.. I have to keep things calm and civil. Otherwise I'll get upset and worked up, and I DEFINITELY won't be able to stand up. Is the answer to just keep quiet about Timmy and never let him in our apartment again??