I regret not standing up for myself during my relationship
During the relationship, my ex framed me as someone whose expectations were too high. He said I started fights all the time, needed to grow up, work on myself, date other people to realize he was actually the best, got angry easily, and had a hard time forgiving unlike him. He also said he felt stuck in a toxic relationship with me.
After the breakup, I started talking to friends, family, and a therapist, and I realized those things weren’t really true.
What he called me ‘starting fights’ was usually me bringing up hurt feelings after he treated me poorly. The things I asked from him were basic expectations: keeping promises, not lying, not making me lie to his family, and not making unilateral decisions that involved me without discussing them first.
When he said I didn’t forgive him easily and that I prolonged arguments, I later realized it was because whenever I brought up my feelings, he would dismiss them. I kept having to explain myself over and over, only to be dismissed again.
On the other hand, when he brought up something I did wrong, I usually apologized quickly and genuinely tried to change. That’s probably why those conflicts didn’t drag on, and why it seemed easier for him to forgive me.
At the time, I didn’t argue back when he said those things. I mostly cried, felt confused, and doubted myself. I only started seeing the situation more clearly afterward.
After the breakup, I reached out to ask for a closure conversation because I wanted the chance to finally say these things, but he rejected me and blocked me.
Now I’m stuck with the feeling that I didn’t stand up for myself when I should have.