My bf and I are together for 1.5 y now. When things are ok between us he is the best partner. Loving, nice, fun, and it’s great!
But since our 3rd month together, we been having small arguments that become this huge fight and he gets angry and starts saying really mean things to me about my own person, my personality, my whole identity. Also not truthful things. he basically says it’s cause I did something or I do something that he doesn’t like or when he feels neglected and he acts like that. First he said we werent being intimate enough so out of nowhere he feels neglected and starts fights and scream and call me a bunch of hurtful things. I recognized my part on this and things got back to normal.
But then he slips cause he is jealous of some random person and now he says he gets angry cause I interpret what he says wrongly and sometimes I do this but not always. Sometimes I am impatient and answer him in a blunt way … Then he gets mad , we argue and he starts basically verbally humiliating me…
Any advice on how to deal with him or understand his triggers?
He used to apologize but now he says he won’t apologize cause I am the one causing him to say those things to me. He says I have a really bad energy, that I fake to be a good person. When I say I have never had any relationship like that nor my friend ever said that he says they were lying or that they don’t really know me. He said Im not fit to be a mother in the future, that I prefer my dogs over him, and if u ask him to help me with dishes and stuff he says I always complain that Im not grateful for him, when my grandpa passed away I went to see him play(he is a musician) I had a terrible expression like numb. I just needed to get out of the house and not be alone so I went to see him and he said my long face made him not perform well….
I do recognize i am blunt with him or get irritated with him, sometimes he says something like I’m glad you are happy without your meds. (I took anti anxiety meds for a year and my psychiatrist said i am well now) and I answered him saying i dont like when he says that causa on the past he said i have a drawer full of med and I am ungrateful and unhappy. Which is not true. I have friends, job life, i do therapy, i give him a lot of gifts cause I make more money than him.
And i feel I am not enough specially I know I have my days too where I feel irritated but i have never insulted his dignity . I love him though, my mind understands what you are saying but idk why I feel I have part in this and his reactions. We argue every week. He always makes me feel bad about myself and im the one who has to apologize