2.5 months ago, my best friend and I were driving back from picking up a young family member. On the way back, she playfully said, “Talking crap about me?” when I received a text. After telling her that I hadn’t actually sent any recent texts. She accused me of lying because she saw the reflection on my glasses? After explaining that I’d been staring at a text not knowing what to say and what my conundrum was, she stopped talking to me. She didn’t say anything; just stared ahead. I asked if she was ok. she wouldn’t answer. When we got back to town, she pulled up to my place. For about 10 minutes, I tried to make sure she was all good. Any tiny head nod, something, anything to tell me she was ok. I asked about three times and gave space to answer as I’ve been taught to do that. After I’d already unbuckled, she slammed on the gas and raced back to her place. My body physically slammed into the passenger seat and I had to find something to grip. She still didn’t acknowledge me. She talked to the child just fine. I got a bus home and cried on and off for days confused and angry at why she suddenly stopped talking to me.
2 weeks later, her fiancé asked me over for dinner. I politely declined, explained that because I have my own trauma I’d rather go on a day the bus was running, perhaps the next day.
That night, she sent a book of text that my therapist describes as cruel as there were digs that were designed to cut deep. The gist was that it was her fiancé’s idea to invite me. I‘m overreacting to what she did and I’m entitled for expecting a response when she’s trying to regulate. I make her feel unsafe and overstimulated and she deserves people in her life that accommodate her inability to tolerate human noises like chewing and breathing. I should Be grateful that she doesn’t loose it as much as she does because I can only imagine how much she holds back. I should not try to contact her again and she’s going to block me.
Fast forward to today. She left some peace offerings on my porch and sent an apology text. The apology is that she’s sorry I interpreted her actions that way. The kids miss me and all that. Previously, her fiancee has tried to tell me that he thinks I’m being unfair in my feelings and that I should reach out to her because she needs the assurance that I still care.
This is as condensed as I can make it. I’m struggling because I want to forgive because that’s what I would want if I reached out. But my therapist is pretty convinced she’s a narcissist and I should be careful about letting her back into my life. My therapist has never said that about anyone else including my mom. My peer support mentioned that abusive boyfriends will give flowers after the abuse when I mentioned it looked like she was trying. I’ve known since November that’s she’s toxic, but I guess I keep wanting to be that caring person and forgive. Maybe we can just have coffee occasionally? Maybe that wouldn't be so bad? If my therapist is right and she is a narcissist, I understand her motivations might not be the same as mine would be if I was reaching out.
I was wondering if anyone had any insight.