Hello
My (23F) fiance (24M) and I have been together for almost 6 years. As a child I has experience abuse of all kinds including sexual. We have been able to connect still despite all of that. Our sex life is very good. However, he has some specific kinks that arent very common and Im not super into them like he is. Im trying to still learning what is healthy for me to do, and sometimes I feel like i need to participate because I love him. He usually takes my lead and doesnt pressure me. But sometimes i say yes because I think I want too and then I change my mind later or right before. This makes him feel rejected and let down which I understand. He trys really hard not to make me feel bad but I know he is disappointed. I struggle to know what to do. I want to make him happy, I want to love him in a way he likes, sometimes im cool with it and other times im not but I really struggle with navigating how to communicate that or if this is a me issue or an us issue. I just really struggle to feel safe in this area, all sex even, and adding this extra layer can feel really overwhelming.
If just appreciate some advice or insight. Thank you.