u/Fun-Discussion-1036

I have a long and confusing story.. but I just feel like I need a little reassurance and validation.
I first started liking girls when I was about 9 years old. I ‘dated’ a girl when I was that age and a girl was my first kiss. I labelled myself as a lesbian from the age of around 11-13 until I discovered i liked guys. I dated my first boyfriend when I was 14, it didn’t last long but at that time I labelled myself as straight. Shortly after we broke up, I started questioning my sexuality again and in the space of probably a few months I went from straight, to bisexual to lesbian. I had no interest in men at this time until I was around 15-16 years old. I settled with bisexual, although I was still unsure. I dated two other guys at 16-17 and I’ve been fully convinced I am straight since then and I was just ‘experimenting’ with my sexuality I don’t even know. Now I am 17, nearly 18 and there’s a girl at my school who I always seem to make eye contact with. She’s the most beautiful girl I think I’ve ever laid eyes on, she’s openly gay and just looking at her makes me nervous. I always thought it was just because I found her pretty until literally today. I was sat opposite her in the same room and we kept making eye contact and I realised that maybe I do like her. I confuse myself so much and I don’t know what to do. I followed her on instagram and she followed me back. I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m straight as she saw me with my ex boyfriend around school a lot. Now I can’t stop thinking about her but because I’ve been through this feeling a lot, I’m freaking myself out. I feel like I’ve been trying to suppress my feelings towards girls because I can’t seem to accept myself and I don’t exactly know why. I just really want to talk to her. I can picture myself dating her, but I doubt that would ever happen. I think she is the first girl I’ve maturely liked and I don’t know what to do and / or how to feel.