I (25F)got back together with my ex (29M) and slept with someone else during the breakup and lied to him about it
I 25F and my ex 29M were together for 3 years. I broke up with him because i felt like i deserved better. It felt like he just got too comfortable in the relationship and didn't have to do anything for me anymore and a couple more reasons . We were broken up for 4 months and 3 of those months we were no contact. I ended up meeting a guy and went on a couple dates with him and eventually became intimate. My ex was the only person i had ever been with sexually so this was not usual for me at all, in the moment in felt okay. but now me and my ex got back together, and when we first got back together he asked me if i had been with anyone and i said no, i panicked and did not want to tell him because i know its a dealbreaker for him. We have been back together for 7 months now and our relationship had been doing so good and he has genuinely changed.
I regret it so much now that im back with my ex. i feel so ashamed and guilty for what i did. I even feel disgust with myself, i look back and think why? why did i sleep with someone who i wasn't in a relationship with. I think its also guilt because the guy gives me the biggest ick now and i don't know why i ever even talked to him in the first place, idk if i was just vulnerable and in the moment i really did think me and my ex were done for good. but i just cannot get over it, i constantly overthink and wonder what if he finds out from someone? or runs into that guy? i cut the guy off and he really liked me. so idk if he got mad or doesn't care, either way i play out so many negative scenarios in my head.
I know i should've been honest from the start, and i regret that so much but it's too late now. But I also know this is a HUGE dealbreaker for him and he would NEVER look at me the same, and i do not want to loose him..
Is it better to tell him the truth? or continue on