Good evening there, I (M31) will be expecting my third child in a couple weeks here. My question lies with the partner I’m having it with. As it was not my choice to have this child. It was last summer, June, when we met. We had spoke a bit through dating apps and Snapchat before. I had told her about me and that I already had 2 kids who are 8 and 9 and that I didn’t want any more until I’d established a relationship/potentially marriage and stability before thinking of having another. Her (27F) with two kids of her own, was okay with that through text and conversation, also said she was on BC to prevent that from happening.
I’d also said it’s been a few years since I’d been in a long term relationship so I’d like to take it slower in terms of like meeting ppls kids and just focusing on the adult bond that is there or not there just so things weren’t rushed. She broke that rule by having her kids dad abruptly pull up while I was leaving her house and I awkwardly met her kids and her morbidly obese ex. Also come to find out one of her kids is severely disabled and requires a lot of care, non verbal, wears diapers at 6 and will be a lifelong responsibility. This also was a massive flag to me because I don’t have the patience for it and I already have two kids of my own who take up a lot of my time. I was pretty much at this point ready to go my separate way but lo and behold. She’s pregnant. I had worn protection but there were a drunk night or two where I had not. So me having been separated from my kids since they were younger I felt very trapped. She would go back and forth for weeks about not keeping it and then to keeping it and all I could do was just wait for the inevitable. She kept it. Either I choose to break up with her and have nothing to do with the kid or pray it’s not mine or I try and be the bigger person stick it out and see if it’s mines so that I don’t have another woman trying to put me on child support.
I know I’m an idiot. Lol now fast forward 7 months we’ve got an apartment together and it’s been hell when she has her kids here and my kids are very self sufficient. Not perfect but they listen. Her son cries all night long if a TV isn’t constantly playing in front of his crib/bed, she works from home remotely while I had to switch jobs to be able to make a commute reasonable. The dynamic is very bipolar and she’s honestly not bad when her kids aren’t here but obviously that’s not realistic. My oldest doesn’t like her kids much but my youngest gets along with her daughter sometimes. Her kids father isn’t much of a dad at all and never works so I have no idea how he takes care of them when he has them but I’m just not sure how I’m going to make it work. I’m honestly happier when I’m at the gym or at work than when I’m at home. Her family doesn’t help with her son’s disabilities at all or ever come around asking to see him. It really feels like she didn’t want to be alone and tried to baby trap someone into that with her. Maybe I’m being harsh.
I wanted to just take things slow, get to know each other, told her what my expectations were and how I wanted my life to play out going forward. This has all been a major stressor on my life. I feel like no matter what I do I’m doomed to be a single dad and never will make the right choice when it comes to love but I’m honestly content with never trying again as long as something like this never happens to me again. I want to be excited about the kid but it feels hard when it already feels like there’ll be expiration date on the relationship. Any advice would be nice but I’m just not sure how to navigate this.