u/Full_Potential_6305

I (24f) don’t understand what happened to me I use to feel so alive and fun ,out going just all around a better person now i just feel like something is missing I’m constantly blank, bland and boring i just sit at home and if i do go somewhere it’s a family member’s house or sit in the car while my bf goes in the gas station i have anxiety from hell so going out is hard I have an almost 11 month old and I feel bad that I don’t have my license because if I did me and my baby could be going anywhere and every where just out and about you know, I hate the person I am now I’ve been like this for 3-4 years constant health anxiety and regular anxiety, tired as fuck and just a buzz kill basically, i wake up everyday stressing about do i feel good today am i okay it’s just so draining and half the time I’m just blank like the lights are on but nobody is home!! I don’t even feel like myself I was so happy being pregnant ,my pregnancy was great sure there was some issues here and there with my body but over all it was good which yeah the dr diagnosed me with postpartum depression but that doesn’t feel like it’s that I’ve been having problems over the past 3-4 years with myself it’s like a switch went off I went from okay-ish and outgoing to scared of my health all the time, scared to go in a store and just stopped living , I literally just stopped every single thing and only focused on the health stuff I don’t even know what triggered it I’ve tried to figure it out so many times I’ve been on 3 antidepressants the past few years none of them worked for me so I stopped and I just feel so unstable this isn’t the life I wanna live, I want me back I want MY LIFE BACK or at least my spark back I think about this so much I’m even in therapy and we haven’t got to the causes or solution yet I feel so not present it’s like I’m on autopilot I hate this I hate it for me and i definitely hate it for my baby because she should get the best version of me she deserves it and I don’t really know where I was going with this but I just wanted to get this off my chest