Scared of getting close to other trans guys again...
I had my first IRL situationship with another guy and it was the most amazing time, not just the situationship part but the friendship too. We could talk about anything, he would understand. He understood certain things cis people don't and it was beautiful. He said it was never me, but him,and it's not my fault. He was nice to the end, even after he broke every promise. I don't think I will ever find that again because it awoke a new part of my sexuality and made me feel comfortable and I never do. It made me comfortable to be me. I also have BPD so that doesn't help but I really feel like I'm crazy for still hurting and missing him. It will never be like that again and I wish I enjoyed the moments more than I did. I'm now left with dumb triggers that cause anxiety attacks. I still hear his laugh. And people still tell me I need to get over it but he was the first irl trans experience for me. And that hurts. I will never feel as human as I did for those 3 months. I'm just sad I can't really tell people how bad it is because they don't fully understand and my trauma is really severe so my trust issues are shattered