u/Full-Artichoke6666

Okay so basically I have BPD and have been in therapy for 6 years at this point, I take medications and whatnot, but it's been really hard for me to seriously make the effort to get better. That's until I met my current partner. They're perfect in every way possible and I find myself wanting to genuinely be better so I can be the best version of myself with them. Here's the problem though, I am very anxiously attached and very clingy, she doesn't have any issues with reassuring me or me being as clingy as I want, but it's gotten to a point where my overthinking and depressive episodes are emotionally draining her. She has expressed to me that she feels like she needs to drop everything to comfort me and that she has no space for her own feelings, as well as her feeling like she's on constant trial because any little thing that feels "off" can send me spiraling. Now, one of the DBT techniques for BPD is to fact check before spiraling, however, if I ask if everything is okay or if she still loves me constantly, this also makes her feel like she needs to walk on eggshells around me. I have been trying to regulate on my own and have been successful so far but there's some habits she has that honestly don't go very well with my anxiousness. She's very emotionally closed off and often refuses to talk about anything bothering her, unless I press, which also annoys them and spikes my anxiety. She has stated multiple times that the few times she's tried to open up, I have not been receptive or have dismissed her feelings, which I honestly don't know how that could be happening, as I've been trying not to offer solutions or logical explanations (this is my first response, so I try not to say anything). I'm honestly exhausted of trying so hard but it feels like it's only getting worse, I cannot express my discomforts anymore because I am unsure whether they're valid, something for me to fix on my own, a me problem, or if trying to express it will piss her off because I am bound to make a mistake that I'm not even aware of making. Please help, I don't know how to improve this