My (27m) girlfriend (27f) told me that sex is special to her but had several hookups which she didn't tell me about until I confronted her. Is this lying or am I wrong for asking about things I dont want answers for?
My girlfriend told me sex is special to her. So we waited (3 months ish) to have sex after we first started dating. When I asked why she said she had trust issues but sex has always been special to her and that she only slept with people she saw relationship potential with and that she doesn’t do casual because she is a romantic at heart. I left it at that, but something bothered me about it.
When I asked her further, I found out that she had multiple partners who she told her friends on messages that they were "casual", and who she hooked up with as ONS. She says that even though the timeline of them having sex was instant, she saw genuine potential in them which is why she had sex with them from the first time she met them. One of them explicitly said to her to be a FWB and she still had sex with him.
^Question: Can sex be special to her if she had multiple "casual hookups" (in her words) to her friends on message? She says she said that those things were casual to my friends because she was protecting herself from getting hurt and told me she saw romantic potential in each of them? She did not speak to most of them after.
When I asked her about her past point blank to reestablish trust, she agreed to tell me and said she did not sleep with anyone after a bad breakup (2 years before we met), and I asked to look at her phone (with her permission and in her presence). I found out that she had multiple sexual encounters in the 2 years before we started dating, to which she said that she "forgot" and takes full responsibility for forgetting.
The "bad breakup" was with a guy that said he only wanted something casual, and she still actively saw him afterwards (Despite him saying he is leaving the country and that he wants something casual). She said she was delusional and not in line with her values.
^Question: Did she try to lie to me about the three hookups, or did she genuinely forget and wanted to establish trust since she gave me her phone so has nothing to hide?
When I further told her to be fully open with me, she told me about all people she has slept with. When I asked her about one particular person (that she didn't tell me, I found out through messages), she said that all they did was make out but did not have sex. I saw her phone again I found out that while they did not have sex, they were going to (he had an allergic reaction when putting on the condom). I asked her why she didn’t give me this information, to which she said she felt uncomfortable sharing it and that technically she did not sleep with him so she did not need to share as I asked her about sexual partners, and she didn't have sex with him.
^Question: Is her being uncomfortable sharing about this a valid reason not to say, or is this trickle truth's because she said all they did was make out but that’s not all they did?
To me this feels like I was the guy she settled with after exhausting her options of guys she actually wanted. She has not given me any reasons to doubt the present, and I don't believe in judging the past, but I need a second opinion on this situation.