For context, I am a 20F and my ex is a 23F with bpd.
Me and my ex had been together for about a year and a half. The relationship was kinda rocky, when she was happy everything was perfect, the sun was shining birds were chirping but when she was angry it was WW3 to say the least, she’d slam doors, curse me out, make me feel so small, kick me out and tell me to go home then when i would try to leave she’d say i don’t care about her bc i just left and please come back so we can talk to work it out so I would. She’d tried to break up with me multiple times before and then when id try to leave then we would try to fix things. I’d try to communicate with her but she’d just flip the blame onto me and start an episode.
Anyways, her mom had bought us all tickets to go to florida for a small couple days vacay this week, her and mom had her travel frequently so they already had their passports, all i needed to get was my real id to fly which me and my ex spoke about many times previously before. i couldn’t make it down to dmv due to money problems so the friday before the trip (mind you we leave wednesday of the next week) friday i was off so i decided i would go down to the dmv, i couldn’t find my birth certificate or social security at my house so i called my ex to check hers she said she didn’t find anything. ultimately i found it at my house and left to the dmv . i texted my ex to let her know id found my bc and ss card and that i was happy i could finally get my real id. BIG MISTAKE. she immediately calls and asks if i had my real id, i responded with no i am omw to the dmv now. she proceeded to tell me i took to long and she didn’t want me to go and one of her friends had taken my spot already and hung up on me. i got to the dmv and tried to explain to her that i was at a same day center id be able to get my real id same day and have it in time for florida. she said she didn’t care, i was incompetent and she feels like she’s with a man, i constantly apologized for being last minute as it wasn’t planned at all it was just the only time i was able to make it down there and she knew that. she finally texted me “can you just be a woman and not a baby and let me end this relationship? it’s not fair to me” at the time i was on the phone with my mom and she told me to just leave it alone and let it cool down. I went back home to my house and me and my cousin (we live together) smoked and talked for a bit about what happened while im explaining my ex is blowing up my phone, I finally answer and she says she threw all my things in the dumpster. i didn’t hear anything else she said since id hung up.
my cousin- did she just say she threw your stuff in the dumpster?
me- yea
cousin- let’s go get it then and be done bc that’s disrespectful
so we both hop in the car and we go to her apartment, i told him to stay in the car as i felt something was very off, i go around the back gate to the check the dumpster but i couldn’t see that well. to get to the dumpster you have to actually go into the apartment building so i proceed to walk around to the front and that’s when we saw each other. when we got close enough she said cops were on the way, they know my license plate, car make and my description i said okay and turned around to go back to my car, my ex punched me from behind and threw me on the floor, punched me a couple more times and then took my car keys told me i shouldn’t have come and walked away ( my lip was busted and swollen), i was still on the floor and called my cousin to come help me up, my cousin came over and she came back over at the same time she said im so sorry im so sorry i said no no no you just hit me its over. she ran up the street. a woman let us into the apartment building and we checked the dumpsters none of my stuff was in there so we go to leave. as we’re walking out the door to leave she’s finally getting back in when she walks through the door she immediately goes to punch me but i dodged her, she went to go nudge by cousin but he kinda pushed her away from him and she got SO ANGRY by that she grabbed a traffic cone and tried to hit him he knocked it out of the hands she then ran past him and kept punching me and trying to grab a hold of me and kick me , screaming she was going to kill me, my cousin grabbed her to get her off of me and she bit him, deep enough to draw blood, we finally ended up getting out the door and called this police and ambulance, philly police are horrible so we ended having to go to the police station always. I spoke with her mom while we were waiting to be interviewed and her mom basically said
her mom- my daughter said she fucked up big time, she fucked up really bad this time, did you plan on break up with her?
me- not at all, she’s been trying to break up with me so bad this past month i’ve been trying to to convince her to stay and work through it
her mom- oh wow, well did you not get your real id on purpose
me- i told your daughter your daughter it was going to be done today, did she tell you she hit me?
her mom- WHAT? No omg im so sorry honey
mom- your daughter BEAT ME today, she threw me on the ground punched me multiple times, then saw me again and beat both me and my cousin.
her mom- well i know she loves you very much and she sees a future with you two and i would love to pay for you two to do therapy and work through this.
the phone call mostly went on like that for about 5 more minutes. my ex has since texted me since friday saying she loves me so much, she’s so sorry and she wants us to work through this, she’s back on her meds and ready to do couples therapy
i am honestly so distraught i don’t know what to do, i love her a lot but that day i just saw a completely different side of her and when she hit me i cannot stand for that but it so conflicting bc i love her so much and i want it to work out but once she hit me like that i feel like i have no choice but to leave. PLEASE KNOW THIS IS THE FIRST TIME SHES EVER BEEN PHYSICAL WITH ME. (it threw me completely off my rocker i didn’t expect it at all) my family says to leave, get a restraining order and never look back. but on the other hand, her mom and one of my friends has said to take into the fact that she was off her meds and not thinking straight: idk if you have any advice PLEASE feel free to give it.