I don’t know what to do anymore
My (31M) wife (31F) got married two years ago. She is physically limited due to a medical procedure that was needed when she was 10 years old. The limitations she has include not being able to use one hand at all, with limited movement on that same side. One of the big things she hasn’t been able to do, nor never will, is drive. I was okay with this as I enjoy driving and it’s never been an issue for me.
We just welcomed a little boy to this world. He’s 7 weeks old and is the absolute love of my life. Before he was born, my wife and I had discussed moving houses but I came to it that what we we’re wanting was a lot more than we originally thought. I told her we’re not able to move right now and we need to keep saving and one day we can afford that house. Now the house we have isn’t the greatest, biggest, or nicest, but it’s mine. I worked extremely hard for it and I’m proud of the work I’ve been able to do to it. That was the first argument that we had, but my wife somehow mistook “save another few years” as “we’re never going to move at all.” There was more arguing where she told me I was a liar and she never should’ve trusted me. I told her this is to be financially responsible and I’m not going to have my family struggle when we don’t have to at this time. This led to her leaving and staying at her mom for 8 weeks. I was distraught during this time- was my marriage over? Am I ever going to see and love my son? Will she even come back?
During that time, I hoped every day that she’d come back. My family was concerned for me and wanted this all to work out. Her family took this thing as “if he won’t buy another house now, he never will.” I honestly wanted my wife back home with me so we can have a family in our little house.
She eventually came back after 8 weeks and our son was born 7 weeks ago. She’s on maternity leave and with him most of the day. I work close enough to home to go see them at lunch. This is a normal time when he is changed and fed. On more than one occasion, I’ve come home and when I open the door, I hear her screaming at our baby boy, frustrated because she is struggling to put a diaper or his onesie on him. I try to resolve the situation and finish what she started, and that gets her in a screaming, aggressive mood where she tells me I “don’t think she can do anything with him.” I try to reassure her that she’s doing great and being with him all day can be exhausting and I appreciate everything she does for him.
This is how most of our time was until yesterday- Mother’s Day. I wanted it to be special. I woke up early, made her breakfast, took care of our little boy and make sure she would have a relaxing day. I then bring her the gifts I got her. I was excited for her to see them because I thought she’d really like them. One was a personalized glass frame with the etching of a picture of her and our son with the words “Happy 1st Mother’s Day Mama! Love, (son’s name)!” The others were a matching shirt and onesie for them to match in, and I had gotten her a bouquet of flowers. I said to her “I hope you like them.” And she said “gee, a frame, a shirt, and flowers, sure.” I said “was there something in particular you wanted?” She said “you know what I want- a house.” I was taken aback and said we had discussed now is not the time.
She proceeded to tell me she isn’t going to go back to work to take care of him all day. That was never our plan and we really can’t save much of anything the way that works right now. She argues it’s better for the baby if we don’t put him into daycare. I told her that might be the case but we will be here longer if we do that. She lost her mind when I said that- started belittling me on how much I make, how I don’t ever want to take care of our son, how all I am to her is a “maid and a driver in her house”. I went silent, and stayed silent. She then went on and said “I guess me and him will have to settle on this house.” That was my breaking point. I got up, went to our room, locked the door, and cried my eyes out.
I’m emotionally numb, I don’t know how else to go about having a conversation with her, the fact that she looks at me as a “maid and a driver” to her is one thing I’ll never forget. I do take care of the house and clean it as much as I can daily. I also feed him and take care of him in the middle of the night so she can rest. I don’t know if I should end this now or not. The only thing that would be holding me back is I don’t know if I can handle seeing our little boy for half of his life. I didn’t think I’d ever have to consider this.
Any advice would help and thank you to those who read the whole thing.