u/Fresh_Strawberry6137

I was chatting to some people who seemed to be baffled that their attractive friend was dating an "ugly" girl. It really blew my mind that they couldn't seem to understand that not everyone cares about appearance that much, and that there's a lot more to a woman than her appearance. They ALL said things like "attraction is what gets you in the door, not personality" and to me that seemed...kinda crazy? Especially for a group of men in their 20s and 30s.

I'm not asexual or demisexual or anything like that, but what usually gets me is people's vibe first, not just how their face is arranged, but their whole vibe, including their personality. Someone might have a funky nose but if they feel and seem like a nice, good person, I'll probably like their nose. Some people are physically ugly but their vibe is good and that usually automatically adds 2-3 points to their appearance to me. Is it really that hard for people to grasp this concept? Even if it is, isn't it just plain rude and awful to talk so badly about a friend's partner???

I'll start off by saying that I am doing my absolute best to present both sides without bias here, as I genuinely want perspective.

My (30f) friend Jacob (26m) and his friend Kyle (29m) were hanging out together along with 4 of Jacob and I's mutual friends (all in their 20s and 30s). This was my first time meeting Kyle, and everything seemed to be going fine. Us three were playing a video game together and I wasn't performing very well, even though I usually do. I kept getting downed and needing to be revived. Kyle suddenly said out of nowhere, "Jesus woman are you going to be fucking stupid all day?! Jesus christ Jacob how do you tolerate this bitch?"

I felt very hurt by that statement and responded with "Please don't talk to me like that, I really don't like it." He then said, "I don't fucking care, grow up." So I left the voice call. Jacob then asked me to come back and said that I made Kyle feel bad. I said that's hurtful because he made me feel bad first. Jacob said that Kyle was just joking and that I probably didn't pick up on it due to my autism. I personally disagree with that, I'm actually very good at reading peoples' tones, and he was screaming down his mic. He wasn't joking. I said no again, and Jacob said I'm being rude and making him and the others uncomfortable by making a big deal of it. He then backtracked and said Kyle was angry and that he has anger issues, and I should accommodate him more like how Jacob accommodates my autism.

In short, from his and Kyle's perspective, they claim it was a joke but it clearly wasn't; so instead, it was a brief moment of frustration and I'm being too sensitive and expecting too much, and that most people would've just shrugged it off instead of making a scene. From my perspective, he sounded completely serious and I don't tolerate being talked to like that from a stranger who I barely know, and who wasn't joking at all. I don't think I owe him an apology for leaving a situation where I'm being called names and yelled at.