Am I in the wrong?? (16 y/o)
I just want to get the opinion of the public because I feel like I'm going insane. I try to be a really good kid (straight A's, no drugs/drinking, always willing to help out) and I still get treated like I'm not worthy of any respect or trust. My mom won't let me cut my hair short (even though I'm transgender ftm and having to look in the mirror is slowly killing me), she goes through everyone of my texts (and often replies on my behalf to my teenage friends), she stalks all my friends from my account on instagram, and I have to fight tooth and nail to be able to dress myself.
I'm so, so very depressed and have absolutely no chance of getting professional help because my mom doesn't believe in therapy. I've told her about my depression before and she screamed at me for an entire day and then didn't talk to me for a week straight because I was "ungrateful." I just don't know what to do.
The current battle is that I'm being forced to take 4 college classes outside of my extremely vigorous online high school schedule. My mom dismisses and yells at me every time I try to say I'm burnt out. My dad sometimes tries to help me, but then she'll scream at him and beat the shit outta him. I feel like I'm going insane because I'm going to bed at 2:00 am every night due to how much work I have to do.
I want to go to the school counselor but my mom literally constantly has eyes on me and is in my email and in my texts. If I tried to change any of my passwords, I don't know how fucking crazy she'd go. Also she doesn't have a job so she just is controlling me all fucking day.
I'm sorry for the vent, but I go to an online school so I'm literally completely alone and I don't have anyone to talk to. My older brother is at college and he's still getting controlled by her everyday (she still picks his outfits every day wtf???) so I'm just feeling like I'm at a dead end.