so recently ive been feeling very little energy to do anything even the things i used to love doing. im not close with my own family specifically my parents and sister as i grew up with my grandmother and auntie.
and yes, i have told them countless times that i dont feel comfortable in opening up especially of how i feel. and everytime i say that, theyll get angry asking *why why why we are your family you have to open up* *to* *us* with that said, id always think theres something wrong with me.
id always get shouted at, get mad at, received bad words such as *putangina mo letche ka* which i think it means fuck you in english. id always get told that i have to change, that im very selfish, that im very close-minded, that im just exaggerating.
and yea, these words are their favorite words to tell me. these words, became like a tattoo inside my head that i could never erase.
what do i do now cause the more i get shouted at, the less it makes me comfortable in opening up to them.
what i just did everytime they ask me is to just lie about it cause like i said im not comfortable opening up to them because as much as i dont wanna get shouted at i also dont want to feel stress, cause everytime i feel stressed i get shaky hands, i get random pain behind my neck idk why, and my teeth and gums get insanely hurt which idk why as well i have healthy teeth. i get headaches, i lose appetite, i lose focus, and also, id always think of very, very bad thing.
i honestly dont even know why or whats wrong with me anymore. i mean, they are my family, but, yea, i really dont know. is it my fault if i dont feel comfortable in opening up to them or theres just something wrong with me?
also this is my first time posting here i really dont know what to do i even tried asking google and chatgpt for help earlier hahaha