5 years. Long distance. Every summer together, I visited at least once a month. She was the person I thought I'd spend my life with.And she thought the same.
Last night she confessed she'd been with someone else — in our bed, multiple times, while using drugs together. When I asked her to block him, she said "I can't."
The night before the confession she texted me "I miss you so much," "no one is you," "you need to tell me to get lost." I didn't. Until this morning.
I gave her one condition. She said it wasn't logical. I said get lost and hung up. She said "wait—" and I was gone.
She has bipolar disorder and active substance use. I kept trying to bring back the person I fell in love with. I think that person is gone.
I'm 24. I have major depression, no antidepressants left, 2 hours of sleep, a panic attack history, and work to do today. I started smoking this morning. I don't know how to get through today.