How Can I Give the Best Experience to my Ace Partner?
Hello all, I apologize if this isn't the best place to ask this kind of question. I am m35 Allo. I've been dating my wonderful partner for about a year and a half (f36). When we first started dating she explained to me that she identified as Demi, and that she hadn't had any partners in the past decade. I took to researching as much as I could, and expressed to her that I would be as patient as she needed. We did end up having some sexual contact, but then there was a prolonged break for about a year. In that time she had some health concerns and then started a medication that affected her already low libido. We had some open conversations recently and she thinks that she's further into the a spectrum then she previously thought. I told her that was totally fine and not something that she needed to worry about, I asked her what she wanted our relationship to look like and what intimacy she was comfortable with. She basically explained that her experience with previous partners wasn't great (painful intercourse, selfishly sexual partners, she basically just like she needed to just lay there while they did what they wanted to). So I tried to express to her that if she wanted to hold off on sexual contact I totally understand, but to my surprise she said that she more so wants to explore and find out what she does and doesn't like before she defines anything. She's never had a good sexual experience, and she doesn't really know where she falls on the a spectrum because of that. She doesn't think that she's sex repulsed, but she also doesn't feel any sort of arousal from pornography or even smutty reading.
What I would like to do is get some advice on what type of intimacy we should consider exploring. I told her that I'm a firm believer that sex doesn't need to be PIV or for us to adhere to any definition besides what works for us. So I'd love any advice from anyone that has had a similar experience of sort of "testing the waters" to better determine what you do and don't enjoy as someone on the ace spectrum. Questions, activities, etc. all appreciated. Again, I apologize if this isn't the right space for this! Happy to answer any questions anybody might have as well ✌️ ✨