I (29M) and my partner (28F) have been together for 3 years.
My girlfriend around a year in was speaking to a work colleague i saw the chat and it was nothing tbh he would be suggestive but she would never carry on the comment. We spoke at length and asked her to speak to a counsellor which she still is.
She said she done it as I wasn't present and it was nice to receive a compliment from time to time. I agree to the notion and I really wasn't present at all!!
Fast forward to last summer and rhe same thing happened. Again saw the messages and it was nothing, she didnt 'give back' any of the advances. I said that was the line and I would like tjis person blocked and she did without hesitation.
I have since started to study to be a counsellor myself and it was Incredibly draining and again I have not been present. This was brought up and I have done some work in therapy to combat what to do when im stressed etc. She has noticed a big difference and thanks me for the hard work I have put it.
I have noticed in the last months th or so since being "present" again that there was behaviours i didn't like around her phone. She would put it down when I enter a room it was on DND a few times and other things. So I asked her about it, albeit I didnt do it very well. The initial conversation she was defence and upset due to the amount of things that had come up recently so felt like she was on a rollacoaster.
I brought it back up 2 days later due to a very clear behaviours again and she acknowledged the behaviours and has removed her phone off DND I did ask if I could see certain apps on her phone for reassurance as she wasn't very reassuring in the first conversation. At first she said she wasn't comfortable with it but later in the conversation she did allow me to look with her. Nothing was there. I can see this is taking a toll on her the assumptions of mine she is doing something.
However, she still I feel is not secretive with her phone but still won't use it next to me unless she is showing me a reel or somthing. So if her phones goes off she will look on her watch and then 'action' what ever the notification is when I have moved away.
I have been cheated on in the past and because of the previous incidents with her I am very over cautious. Everything i see is a worry but on the flip side where does worry connect with reason. I am in therapy but my therapist is on leave atm hence me being here. I fear if I bring it up again about the use of her phone that will be the last straw and she will leave, due to the constant up and down. When things are not like we are great and its starting to feel like us again there is so much love and passion and its just bloody lovely, buuuuut this feeling I have is grim .
To summarise, as this was too long to read for people, is this a me problem or should I be concerned?