One Last Hurrah
My husband and I had our "one last hurrah" before we decided to finalize our divorce. Our marriage hasn't been the greatest the last few months and at times I was really unhappy in our marriage.
He's moved out a few times and that really put a strain on our marriage and ex-husband was the one to pull the plug on our relationship three months ago. We had been divorced for the last three months, but was still texting everyday but had not seen each other in person since he moved out. It's been a lot of emotions processing our divorce and I did not want for us to end our marriage but ex-husband made the decision to end it. We share a daughter together and I've been solo parenting her during this time which has been hard emotionally.
I asked my ex-husband if he wanted to take the last bit of his stuff from my place since he had not come to pick it up in the last couple months. He sent me a random email at 3 am on Sunday that he was coming to pick up his stuff today.
He came over today to grab the last of his stuff and say his goodbyes. It was a very hard to see him after not seeing him for months and knowing this was the very last time I would see him again. I initially thought he was just going to grab his stuff and go, but he asked to sit down and hash out the last bit of our marriage and say what we needed to say.
We ended up talking for three and half almost four hours about everything we wanted to talk about. We remininsed on the better days in our relationship, had a few laughs, cried, hugged, and discussed the future of our daughter. At one point he asked me if I wanted anything from him before he had to leave, and I asked him if we could cuddle one last time and he could hold me. He agreed to it and I laid down next to him caressing his hair and whispering gently to him. I had missed that feeling so much...
At one point he brought up that if I "wanted something" to just go for it which I knew he gave the green light for us to have sex. I did want to so badly because I missed him so much. He told me before we started that "This would be the last time".
Oddly this last hurrah as we called it was one of the better sex we've had in our entire relationship/marriage. I don't know if it's because I hadn't seen or had sex with him in months that it felt "better", but I hadn't been so turned on by him like this in a long time.
After our hurrah we gave each other multiple long hugs to which we told me there were no had feelings and that I could reach out to him about our daughter if there was an emergency via email, but aside from that he didn't think it was healthy for us to continue to text me so he blocked my number.
I can't help but go back and re-watch our conversation and us having sex over and over again... Particularly the sex portion of our day. I know it's not the healthiest thing to do, but I am going to really miss our old sex life. I still love him and care about him so it's going to take some time for me to start "moving on" from him.
He encouraged me to date and have fun and find someone else when I was ready for that. He told me he wasn't planning to date or have sex anymore after this one last hurrah due to his stomach cancer.
In a way I wish we could stay fwb up until the end of his life, but I know it would be healthy mentally for us to keep having sex.
I've been having a hard time trying to move forward and not be so hung up on him or our last hurrah we had.
I'm not sure how to move forward from this... Would love some advice from anyone who's been in my shoes.