u/FrappuccinoDiabolico

Sometimes i vent to my friends about my struggles and how i wouldn't be able to make new friends because of how my autism affects me, and they always come with the "You can't use your autism as an excuse!" I'M NOT USING IT AS AN EXCUSE I'M JUST SAYING THAT I PROBABLY WOULDN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS IF WE PARTED OUR WAYS! WHY DO THEY THINK I'M USING IT AS A WAY TO JUST NOT TALK TO PEOPLE!?

And they always come with the "i have psychological problems as well and **I** don't use it as an excuse" OH MY GOD I KNOW BUT WHY ARE YOU USING THAT AS A GOTCHA? I HAVE A DISABILITY AND BY BEING DISABLED I HAVE THINGS THAT I CAN'T DO WITHOU SUPPORT!

I'm single right now, i had some relationship with both men and women, but it never took off, because of me and because i am autistic and really detached from people, now, with my last break up, i feel like i will never have a relationship, that person being autistic or not, being a woman or non-binary (I'm a lesbian), i just think I can't really be a good person to date, marry or have kids. I have come with terms with that or I'm gaslighting myself into thinking that way.

I want to have a daughter in the future, maybe i will adopt, maybe i will have sex just for that, or maybe i will have in vitro, and that's okay for me, being a single parent and have a lot of money to give my daughter everything she needs, i will be happy with that.. but I can't really ever get away from this thought that I'm gonna die alone without anyone.

I hate my sensory issues so much sometimes i really just want to lay down and cry. I hate noises so much, but not in a 'too loud' kind of way, but in a 'i can't take anymore noises, i hate your voice, i hate your music, i hate my breathing' kind of way. Sometimes i just want to cry, hit someone and scream for everything to shut up until i can hear noises normally again.