OK, hi so my best friend of four years got a boyfriend, and we were all super happy for her because this is her first relationship at 22! We are all seniors in college and some of us live very far away from each other, I live like almost 3000 miles from her.
Originally, when they started dating, she complained a lot about her boyfriend, mainly that he was super socially anxious. But because she complained about him all the time none of us really formed a good opinion of him.
Now they’ve been together for maybe four months, and she spends all of her time with him, the only time that she does spend with us is obligatory, so she can then go spend time with her boyfriend, so she can say “well I do spend time with you guys. “
Every time we try to talk to her about boundaries in terms of we don’t want to hang out with your boyfriend or in general try to talk to her about the fact that we’re kind of hurt because we love and care about her and she’s skipping time with us to go hang out with him, she gets super defensive and sometimes will get verbally aggressive
(also just to clarify, I personally don’t want to hang out with him because in the 4 to 5 months that they have been dating he has never made an effort to have a conversation with me in a group setting. Also he literally spends every single minute of his day if he can at her on campus apartment which she shares with one of our other friends, and she’ll just leave him there for the day like a pet and he’ll just wait for her to get back, it’s kind of weird)
I genuinely do not know what to do at this point, we’ve tried to be supportive, and give her grace when she is bad at managing both him and us in her lives because it’s hard in a first relationship, but it’s causing a serious toll on our group when she’s constantly bailing on plans.
Do we genuinely stop inviting to her things? Do we continue to try? Do I just write out the last two weeks and our graduation trip and then just not talk to her? I mean, I’m genuinely so exhausted. I think to myself how long has it been since she and I have had an actual genuine conversation that has some sort of substance or doesn’t involve her boyfriend?
Tl;dr my friend is prioritizing her bf instead of her friends in her last semester of college, gets hella defensive when we try to address it, idk what to do