We are in our early 40s and have been together for over 20 years. Over the last year, she has lost a significant amount of weight. She looks amazing, she has always been very pretty, but now she is insanely hot. At the same time she started losing weight, she also stopped wanting to have sex. It's become less and less, and now she just avoids any kind of flirting or anything. She will still kiss me and says she loves me, but I don't think she really does anymore.
She gets hit on a lot and has a lot of options. I think I am no longer that appealing to her anymore. I also have some weight to lose, and I haven't. She does keep making comments about my weight, but not in a rude or mean way. She recently told me that she's just not interested in sex anymore. It's really eating me alive. Our entire relationship, we have had an extremely healthy sex life. It was part of our identity, and now I'm left wondering what to do.
For a period of time, it started to feel like I was living with a roommate or a sibling. I told her this, and she started to be a little more loving toward me, but it feels fake. We have children, and they are really good kids. I would hate for their lives to be upended. I just feel like my soul has been ripped out. I am trying to be understanding and love her for all the other reasons I always have. I never realized how this would make me feel.
Is this how it just goes? Do I need to just deal with the fact that for the rest of my life I am no longer going to have passion and sex? I don't know if I can do that. With that said, I'm in no way ready to leave or give up, I'm just contemplating the rest of my life.
Also, I am obviously feeling insecure, which is weird for me. The obvious thing to do is get back into shape and try to be the best-looking partner I can be, but will it even matter?
Advice request: Has anyone gone through something similar where a long-term partner lost interest in sex after a major lifestyle change? What helped, if anything to reconnect or understand what was really going on? How do I approach this without pushing her away more?
TL;DR: Wife lost a lot of weight and now has no interest in sex or flirting. We used to have a very healthy sex life, and now I feel like a roommate. She says she still loves me, but it feels different. Not ready to leave, but struggling with the idea of a sexless future and wondering what to do.