How do I (35f) carefully end a one sided friendship with (40+m)
We have waxed and waned our friendship. Over ten years. We knew each other via common circle until they, for some reason, mass deleted a lot of people in our community. I believe it was a political difference, perhaps he was slighted and I dont know about it. But occasionally he would call and we hung out for tea and TEA.
I noticed he mentioned he doesnt have a lot of friends and I felt terrible. He travels a lot and at our age hes been struggling with relationships with-frankly- terrible women. The unhealed "i can fix her" types. He called me for support recently and I have been validating him where appropriate and helping him maintain boundaries. We have done stuff together for a few hours, but I noticed when it came to venting, it is one sided.
He can lean on me for support, but when I brought up being exhausted with my kids- he had to get off the phone.
I dont mind being a therapist friend as long as its goes both ways, thats what friends do.
But it feels different. Hes done similar in the past. When I needed support, he couldnt give it. I asked my friend group who use to be close to him- they said the same things. They were a one sided therapist and the entire friendship was one sided. He had to make all the plans, he wouldnt join in unless it was his idea.
I know this is toxic, but am not sure how to quietly pull back without hurting him. Im normally a very forward person, but I feel like I might be dealing with someone who has narcissistic tendencies if not outright BPD.
Personally, Im afraid he might hurt himself, hes never said anything to suggest he would, but knowing what I know I am concerned. At the same time, I wont feed my codependency wound and tolerate an unequal dynamic.
Suggestions and similar experiences welcome, thank you.